Here are some of my thoughts of late... as diverse as they may be.
1. God is like an onion. But only because we've made him that way. We've put so many layers of theology and idealology on the person of God that we have to strip it all away to actually find his core.
2. For example: gender attribution to who He is. A lot of people assume that God is of a male gender. For a few reasons:I guess this is because people see God as part of the Trinity, God the father, son and Holy spirit. We God as male because of the word "father. " So automatically presupposes that he is male. Also, we see Jesus as the human likeness of God who came to earth and assume that since Jesus is male, and the trininty are three in one, that God is male as well. In truth, and I've said this on previous posts, it doesn't really matter what God's gender is. If we try to fit him( I'll just use that form of third person out of force of habit and also because our language is too limited to house God. If we say it, it seems like God is not a personal God, like he is an inanimate object of something) into our language we are suggesting that he is not God at all. Well, let me rephrase that, according to the ontological arguments, God is not God if he fits into any box that we've made for him. So... if we try to make him male or female... we're essentially taking away his God like qualities. God is too big to fit into any gender!!!
3. I'll have to attribute this line of thought to Shawn: why do we believe in Jesus the way we do? Is it because of our environment? Because we've been raised in America to love Jesus and all that entails? What would it be like if we were raised in Saudi Arabia or Iran? Would God, or Jesus for that matter, still pursue us ,or would our conception of religion, and therefore, God be totally different?
4. Why do we try to personalize God? It seems as if we do this, then God becomes subjective. When we know in fact, that God is God, he does not change to accomodate every person. True, in his power he can allow people different experiences of him, and this may be the best thing because we are not all ready to experience him in the same way, and even if we did, would that be God? Would his power seem less? But it seems like if we try to say that God is personal to us, that we are putting him in yet another box that we have made.
5. If in Christian faith, the body is so irrelevant, why did God ascend in to heaven with his body? We always say it is the soul that matters... and indeed God took his body with him to prove his power and that he was Christ and rose again, but why?
Friday, December 7, 2007
Friday, November 30, 2007
not knowing
It seems like the questions always come at the end of a semester when I am already swamped and exhausted with school work. They seep into my mind like water from a spring, and I have to address them... or else.
I was having a conversation with one of my loved ones yesterday. As usual, we were arguing about politics and religion and the Bible. I don't really have huge problems with any of those, but I have my opinions, and I think its a waste to just sit there and agree with everyone when you really don't. It's a disservice to myself. We started talking about the validity of the Bible. I am skeptical of the Bible because of a few things: who wrote it, actually, I know, a bunch of different authors, but did they all have the same idea? And if you say it was ordained by God, that's circular, and no one is going to believe you in academia. Second question, who decided what was to go in the Bible? Who took a look at all those dead sea scrolls and said, "yes, take this one, but no, don't put that one in there?" How did the stories of the Bible get passed down? And what about the translation. Can we be sure it is correct? Can we be sure an author really meant one thing when we know words have so many meanings?
The person I was talking with eventually got frustrated with me and said, "Look, Callie, you're just going to have to believe some things without question. If you don't, you'll be all sorts of messed up and everytime someone says something that is contradicting to the Bible, you'll be confused." First of all, I can't believe anything without question. Isn't that what God made us to do? If he didn't want us to question and reason and discover who He is, he would have made us clones, or computers, aimlessly doing things for His good. But he didn't. I don't believe you should fear the not knowing. If you fear not knowing something concretely, the fear will eat you a live a lot quicker than the doubt will. You have to embrace it, to turn it over and over and look at it, to discover what it is that you don't know so you can think about it and open your mind to bigger things. That's what leads to knowing and certainty... It seems ironic that doubt could lead to certainty, but, I guess life is ironic and it doesn't always turn out in a logical way, according to our plans.
I was having a conversation with one of my loved ones yesterday. As usual, we were arguing about politics and religion and the Bible. I don't really have huge problems with any of those, but I have my opinions, and I think its a waste to just sit there and agree with everyone when you really don't. It's a disservice to myself. We started talking about the validity of the Bible. I am skeptical of the Bible because of a few things: who wrote it, actually, I know, a bunch of different authors, but did they all have the same idea? And if you say it was ordained by God, that's circular, and no one is going to believe you in academia. Second question, who decided what was to go in the Bible? Who took a look at all those dead sea scrolls and said, "yes, take this one, but no, don't put that one in there?" How did the stories of the Bible get passed down? And what about the translation. Can we be sure it is correct? Can we be sure an author really meant one thing when we know words have so many meanings?
The person I was talking with eventually got frustrated with me and said, "Look, Callie, you're just going to have to believe some things without question. If you don't, you'll be all sorts of messed up and everytime someone says something that is contradicting to the Bible, you'll be confused." First of all, I can't believe anything without question. Isn't that what God made us to do? If he didn't want us to question and reason and discover who He is, he would have made us clones, or computers, aimlessly doing things for His good. But he didn't. I don't believe you should fear the not knowing. If you fear not knowing something concretely, the fear will eat you a live a lot quicker than the doubt will. You have to embrace it, to turn it over and over and look at it, to discover what it is that you don't know so you can think about it and open your mind to bigger things. That's what leads to knowing and certainty... It seems ironic that doubt could lead to certainty, but, I guess life is ironic and it doesn't always turn out in a logical way, according to our plans.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Summation of semester
As the final fall of my time at SFA comes to a close, I have to reflect on a few things.
First of all is friends. With nineteen hours, it was so hard to maintain relationships with even some of my best friends. I feel as though I am in a different realm than most of them, which makes it hard to communicate.
My relationship with Shawn has really improved. Not that it was ever bad, but we have learned to communicate and work together at new levels. We try to be considerate of each other and work as a team. When I say, try, that's what I mean. We're not perfect. I feel as thought my love for him becomes more real every day. I am now looking forward to our wedding. It was once a thing of tremendous stress, but I am starting to get excited.
My education at SFA is finally getting interesting. I feel as though I have actually learned (wow a novel thought) something from my classes this semester. I want to research and get in to the material, not just take notes and come back to it the next class period. Especially philosophy. I never knew it could be that challenging and entertaining. It has challenged me to look at all aspects of my life in a new way and surprisingly enough, enabled me to think more critically and do better in my other classes. It's funny how every single subject I'm studying this semester seems to overlap with the others.
First of all is friends. With nineteen hours, it was so hard to maintain relationships with even some of my best friends. I feel as though I am in a different realm than most of them, which makes it hard to communicate.
My relationship with Shawn has really improved. Not that it was ever bad, but we have learned to communicate and work together at new levels. We try to be considerate of each other and work as a team. When I say, try, that's what I mean. We're not perfect. I feel as thought my love for him becomes more real every day. I am now looking forward to our wedding. It was once a thing of tremendous stress, but I am starting to get excited.
My education at SFA is finally getting interesting. I feel as though I have actually learned (wow a novel thought) something from my classes this semester. I want to research and get in to the material, not just take notes and come back to it the next class period. Especially philosophy. I never knew it could be that challenging and entertaining. It has challenged me to look at all aspects of my life in a new way and surprisingly enough, enabled me to think more critically and do better in my other classes. It's funny how every single subject I'm studying this semester seems to overlap with the others.
Some thought on ethics and social justice
This is a paper I wrote for my Intro to philosophy class:
Callie Pool
Intro to Philosophy
November 27, 2007
Philosophy
Ethics: Chapters 11 and 12
I think these two chapters have been the most interesting by far, and the most challenging. When I think of ethics, I think of social justice, something that I am very passionate about. I’ve never thought about why I do it. I admit, at times I get caught up the crowd, but mostly, it just seemed like the right thing to do: alleviate pain and hunger from children, clothe and shoe needy Africans, show love to people of all backgrounds and walks of life. Leaving God out of it, isn’t this what we’re supposed to do as human beings? For the greater good?
According to Rachels, in Thrasymachus’s time, the definition of justice was something real and important. Thrasymachus had to convince his acquaintances and colleagues of his idea that people believe in right and wrong only to obey the rules of their society. He wanted objective truth. Herein lies the challenge: Is ethics nothing more than human invention?
It is true that different cultures have different ideas on what is right and wrong. More definitively, I think they have customs that are debatable to us as Americans. Think of the war between us and the Iraqis. Do they really think they are doing anything wrong? And who are we to tell them that they are? They have been doing things (relating to women, government, etc) that way for centuries. Not to say that we can’t accept or formulate change, but who are we to tell them that their women should not wear full body scarves? As Rachels says, “Respecting a culture does not mean that we must regard everything in it as acceptable.” Rights of women is another subject that is close to my heart, but for this matter, we’ll leave it be. Nevertheless, the right and wrong culture seems inbred in all of us. Even if our cultural customs are different, one long standing fact remains. It’s not whether or not the social issues are bad for us, or we agree with them or don’t but if they are bad for the people who are the victims. Rachels, however, goes as far as to say that there is no such thing as objective right and wrong. Who decides? Who has the answer? This could lead to all sorts of discussions about good and evil, free will or determinism, or God. My mind wants to go there, but I’ll steer it back to Ethics.
A final thing I noticed was the similarities and differences between ethics and science. Who would have thought that something as calculated as science could be compared to something as emotional and passionate as ethics? They are both alike in the number of disagreements that exist. But, they are different in terms of value. It could be argued that decisions about science could determine life or death, but ethical arguments, though they may not solve anything, most decidedly do so. But what is value? Does it exist objectively? Rachels says that, “values do not exist, at least not in the same way as rocks and rivers.” What this tells me, then, pessimistically, is that according to the way different cultures interpret right and wrong, and the values that do no exist objectively, there is no logical reason why we pursue social justice. Is it because it is consciously right? Are we really sure that even if we do donate to a “good cause” that it will be recognized and used for what it was intended? Consider this: What if a social justice organization gave $1,000 to be put towards the rights of women in Iraq? Would they understand or appreciate it at all? Is this really communicable across cultures?
I have to conclude, for my own sanity, that I will still support social justice causes, whether the money or time I give is used appropriately or not. Call it conscious thought, reason or whatever. It’s a decision from passion, and that’s what ethics is all about, right?
Callie Pool
Intro to Philosophy
November 27, 2007
Philosophy
Ethics: Chapters 11 and 12
I think these two chapters have been the most interesting by far, and the most challenging. When I think of ethics, I think of social justice, something that I am very passionate about. I’ve never thought about why I do it. I admit, at times I get caught up the crowd, but mostly, it just seemed like the right thing to do: alleviate pain and hunger from children, clothe and shoe needy Africans, show love to people of all backgrounds and walks of life. Leaving God out of it, isn’t this what we’re supposed to do as human beings? For the greater good?
According to Rachels, in Thrasymachus’s time, the definition of justice was something real and important. Thrasymachus had to convince his acquaintances and colleagues of his idea that people believe in right and wrong only to obey the rules of their society. He wanted objective truth. Herein lies the challenge: Is ethics nothing more than human invention?
It is true that different cultures have different ideas on what is right and wrong. More definitively, I think they have customs that are debatable to us as Americans. Think of the war between us and the Iraqis. Do they really think they are doing anything wrong? And who are we to tell them that they are? They have been doing things (relating to women, government, etc) that way for centuries. Not to say that we can’t accept or formulate change, but who are we to tell them that their women should not wear full body scarves? As Rachels says, “Respecting a culture does not mean that we must regard everything in it as acceptable.” Rights of women is another subject that is close to my heart, but for this matter, we’ll leave it be. Nevertheless, the right and wrong culture seems inbred in all of us. Even if our cultural customs are different, one long standing fact remains. It’s not whether or not the social issues are bad for us, or we agree with them or don’t but if they are bad for the people who are the victims. Rachels, however, goes as far as to say that there is no such thing as objective right and wrong. Who decides? Who has the answer? This could lead to all sorts of discussions about good and evil, free will or determinism, or God. My mind wants to go there, but I’ll steer it back to Ethics.
A final thing I noticed was the similarities and differences between ethics and science. Who would have thought that something as calculated as science could be compared to something as emotional and passionate as ethics? They are both alike in the number of disagreements that exist. But, they are different in terms of value. It could be argued that decisions about science could determine life or death, but ethical arguments, though they may not solve anything, most decidedly do so. But what is value? Does it exist objectively? Rachels says that, “values do not exist, at least not in the same way as rocks and rivers.” What this tells me, then, pessimistically, is that according to the way different cultures interpret right and wrong, and the values that do no exist objectively, there is no logical reason why we pursue social justice. Is it because it is consciously right? Are we really sure that even if we do donate to a “good cause” that it will be recognized and used for what it was intended? Consider this: What if a social justice organization gave $1,000 to be put towards the rights of women in Iraq? Would they understand or appreciate it at all? Is this really communicable across cultures?
I have to conclude, for my own sanity, that I will still support social justice causes, whether the money or time I give is used appropriately or not. Call it conscious thought, reason or whatever. It’s a decision from passion, and that’s what ethics is all about, right?
Thursday, November 15, 2007
God and church
Question: is God a man or a woman?
I've had several instances lately where I've heard God referred to as a woman. I've just finished reading a book about the feminine face of God, and today one of my friends told me about a song that goes, "tell me all your thoughts on God... cause I really want to meet her...?" I also read another thing today in a book by anne Lamott... she also referred to God as Her. Something you'd never really realize until they refer to God in third person, she, her, ect. Explaining God or recalling mystical experiences about God doesn't really change his/her identity. But really, does it matter whether God is a he or a she? Or is He, (a reason I think we call him He worldwide, and all superior entitities are referred to is he is because we have become a world of patriarical socieities-thanks Holley-if we weren't a patriarical socieity would we call God he?) an entitiy that deserves/requires no gender? Would that be labeling God, lessening his power to an extent, referring to a philosophical ontological argument that say if we knew who God was, he wouldn't really be God? Just an interesting thought...
Also I've been thinking about churches lately, and what God really called us to do. What does disciple mean? What did he mean when he said go and disciple all nations? Stand on a street corner and yell? Probably not. Do we really know what a true church consists of? Community, yes, discipleship, yes, fellowships, probably... and a lot more things( I would not even try to say I knew all of them). The church has been getting such a bad rap lately. We need to open our eyes and see the church for what other see it as. Not get lost in some individualistic dogma and reject everything else. People look to the church for something good, something hopeful...and its sad that hope gets lost in so many political means and monitary endeavors. Remember the priest just this week who went to a soldier's funeral and said that he was glad he died because he's a homosexual???? sorry to be cliche, but would Jesus do that? I think not. When I think of how Jesus responded to everyone this comes to mind: a person that loved everyone for who they were, regardless if they were smart, dumb or whatever, a person who knew people's histories and factored that into how he spoke to them, a person who was wise, asked meaningful questions and who guided people in their journey towards him. That's what we should strive to be...
I've had several instances lately where I've heard God referred to as a woman. I've just finished reading a book about the feminine face of God, and today one of my friends told me about a song that goes, "tell me all your thoughts on God... cause I really want to meet her...?" I also read another thing today in a book by anne Lamott... she also referred to God as Her. Something you'd never really realize until they refer to God in third person, she, her, ect. Explaining God or recalling mystical experiences about God doesn't really change his/her identity. But really, does it matter whether God is a he or a she? Or is He, (a reason I think we call him He worldwide, and all superior entitities are referred to is he is because we have become a world of patriarical socieities-thanks Holley-if we weren't a patriarical socieity would we call God he?) an entitiy that deserves/requires no gender? Would that be labeling God, lessening his power to an extent, referring to a philosophical ontological argument that say if we knew who God was, he wouldn't really be God? Just an interesting thought...
Also I've been thinking about churches lately, and what God really called us to do. What does disciple mean? What did he mean when he said go and disciple all nations? Stand on a street corner and yell? Probably not. Do we really know what a true church consists of? Community, yes, discipleship, yes, fellowships, probably... and a lot more things( I would not even try to say I knew all of them). The church has been getting such a bad rap lately. We need to open our eyes and see the church for what other see it as. Not get lost in some individualistic dogma and reject everything else. People look to the church for something good, something hopeful...and its sad that hope gets lost in so many political means and monitary endeavors. Remember the priest just this week who went to a soldier's funeral and said that he was glad he died because he's a homosexual???? sorry to be cliche, but would Jesus do that? I think not. When I think of how Jesus responded to everyone this comes to mind: a person that loved everyone for who they were, regardless if they were smart, dumb or whatever, a person who knew people's histories and factored that into how he spoke to them, a person who was wise, asked meaningful questions and who guided people in their journey towards him. That's what we should strive to be...
Thursday, November 8, 2007
And God created women for???
I have found that I am without friends, yet again, not so much friends as in people I hang out and do things with and talk about shoes with, but friends who "get me" understand me. Call me to see how I'm doing. Friends who I know I can call out but love me just the same. So... I resort to my good ole friend writing... my outlet, bearer of my aggression...
There are so many things to balance this semester. I find myself engaged, enjoying it, loving it actually... I find myself more in love with my fiance daily. He's teaching me about love, being patient with me when i go searching for myself... which is about once a week, nowadays. I'm a firm believer that you can't be happy with anyone else if you are not happy with yourself. And I don't mean just surface stuff. I mean digging deep and seeing all the crap you're made of an pulling it out an looking at it and deciding who you are and what you're made of and what you stand for. this is not a process that is to be taken lightly. Its something I've struggled with for the better part of four years. Who am I? I used to dread these moments, these moments of insecurity...when I thought it was wrong to not know all the answers. But now I revel in it... that is why I live, to pursue truth and meaning and purpose. The grand existence of life. I digress with self realization, but back to engagement... I love it but it puts me in a strange position. Alone, to be exact. None of my friends I see daily are experiencing this life change, and the ones who are are with thier significant other daily. Now as I said I'm a firm believer in finding yourself, and I think that can happen when you spend time alone or when you find yourself with other people. You can learn a lot about yourself through your actions with others. I feel like I'm a lone on an island. Like everyone else is in a different part of the country. I like where I'm at, but I can't find anyone else on my island, so I spend the better part of the day to myself or with my best friend now, my fiance. If I was a normal person, this would be fine. But no, I find myself daily caught between what I want and what I think I should do. I think I should be around people and not seclude myself. but my efforts to do so seem to be continually thwarted.
For instance tonight. I went to a community group to see people and talk and be civilized and social. not things I do often, but hey. I had a good time until we started listening to the speaker. She was talking about women's roles in reference to men and the Bible. Now there is a right way to go about it and a wrong way. I don't think women can be compared to cars and have this taken lightly. A woman is a complex human being!I also find offense in the statement that we were made to be with men, that we should always serve men, that we can't be complete without a husband. what happened to a woman being herself who she is and INDEPENDENT! A woman and a man both can be themselves, complete with out anyone else. True, I love my fiance and he makes me a better person and I wouldn't want to be without him, but if worse came to worse, I could. I wouldn't be incapable or unable to survive. I've found myself and I am secure in who I am inside of myself and I don't need someone else to make me be that way. I think this is such a problem with the way church presents marriage and women and men, especially to young people. Why do you think teenage girls want to be with a guy so badly, so badly they'll do anything for love? And here the church members are, wringing their hands, wondering why their girls are pregnant??? Its the message... there is no sense of self, no message of confidence of telling these girls that they are beautiful they are capable, they don't need to take crap from anyone and that God is ok with that!! True he made women as a "helper" but men can also be a helper. They can be equal!!! I love my relationship with my fiance because he lets me be who I am and I let him be who he is. We love being together, but we can be apart too. I know that if I ever lost myself and got caught up in just doing stuff...or just living my life to please other people, my real self would wither and die. Women need to be ALIVE! to seize the moment and not be so worried about what guys think of them or others think of them! Have deep conversation, don't let a conversation about shoes be your deep conversation of the day. Explore, take office, take lead roles, read literature, do math, be a physics major, be a surgeon, fire fighter, whatever! Know that you are a capable human being and that God made you that way. All we have to do now is teach everyone else...
There are so many things to balance this semester. I find myself engaged, enjoying it, loving it actually... I find myself more in love with my fiance daily. He's teaching me about love, being patient with me when i go searching for myself... which is about once a week, nowadays. I'm a firm believer that you can't be happy with anyone else if you are not happy with yourself. And I don't mean just surface stuff. I mean digging deep and seeing all the crap you're made of an pulling it out an looking at it and deciding who you are and what you're made of and what you stand for. this is not a process that is to be taken lightly. Its something I've struggled with for the better part of four years. Who am I? I used to dread these moments, these moments of insecurity...when I thought it was wrong to not know all the answers. But now I revel in it... that is why I live, to pursue truth and meaning and purpose. The grand existence of life. I digress with self realization, but back to engagement... I love it but it puts me in a strange position. Alone, to be exact. None of my friends I see daily are experiencing this life change, and the ones who are are with thier significant other daily. Now as I said I'm a firm believer in finding yourself, and I think that can happen when you spend time alone or when you find yourself with other people. You can learn a lot about yourself through your actions with others. I feel like I'm a lone on an island. Like everyone else is in a different part of the country. I like where I'm at, but I can't find anyone else on my island, so I spend the better part of the day to myself or with my best friend now, my fiance. If I was a normal person, this would be fine. But no, I find myself daily caught between what I want and what I think I should do. I think I should be around people and not seclude myself. but my efforts to do so seem to be continually thwarted.
For instance tonight. I went to a community group to see people and talk and be civilized and social. not things I do often, but hey. I had a good time until we started listening to the speaker. She was talking about women's roles in reference to men and the Bible. Now there is a right way to go about it and a wrong way. I don't think women can be compared to cars and have this taken lightly. A woman is a complex human being!I also find offense in the statement that we were made to be with men, that we should always serve men, that we can't be complete without a husband. what happened to a woman being herself who she is and INDEPENDENT! A woman and a man both can be themselves, complete with out anyone else. True, I love my fiance and he makes me a better person and I wouldn't want to be without him, but if worse came to worse, I could. I wouldn't be incapable or unable to survive. I've found myself and I am secure in who I am inside of myself and I don't need someone else to make me be that way. I think this is such a problem with the way church presents marriage and women and men, especially to young people. Why do you think teenage girls want to be with a guy so badly, so badly they'll do anything for love? And here the church members are, wringing their hands, wondering why their girls are pregnant??? Its the message... there is no sense of self, no message of confidence of telling these girls that they are beautiful they are capable, they don't need to take crap from anyone and that God is ok with that!! True he made women as a "helper" but men can also be a helper. They can be equal!!! I love my relationship with my fiance because he lets me be who I am and I let him be who he is. We love being together, but we can be apart too. I know that if I ever lost myself and got caught up in just doing stuff...or just living my life to please other people, my real self would wither and die. Women need to be ALIVE! to seize the moment and not be so worried about what guys think of them or others think of them! Have deep conversation, don't let a conversation about shoes be your deep conversation of the day. Explore, take office, take lead roles, read literature, do math, be a physics major, be a surgeon, fire fighter, whatever! Know that you are a capable human being and that God made you that way. All we have to do now is teach everyone else...
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
beautiful prison
Wow. Its amazing how God answers prayers sometimes. I was just praying this morning asking God to give me conversations, (actually it was kind of a selfish prayer, I wanted someone to talk to so I wouldn't feel lonely today on my day off) and he did. It wasn't who I expected to talk to but he sure did answer quickly.
I want to start off my blog with a poem that I wrote last Wednesday. It sums up my feelings over the summer:
"Beautiful Prison"
Entering in,
awe and beauty,
flashing landscapes and
a cumbersome duty,
Beautiful reason
I've called it my own
loving and seeking
I'm giving it all away.
Familiarity
living crudely
mounting tension
behaving rudely
Beautiful prison,
I've made it my own
boxed in reality
I'm wasting it all away.
New day breaking,
Freedom unruly,
Clear eyes awakening,
and living truly,
Beautiful reason,
You've made it more known
living and breathing
I'm taking it in today.
That kind of sums up what I've felt about this summer. Its been a rollercoaster of emotions but God never fails to put my perspective into place.
My prayer for my last couple of weeks here is that I will not become numb or apathetic and just waste time. I know God has things planned for me here.
God has taught me a lot about sharing Christ's love with different kinds of people with different lifestyles lately. I have a few friends here that are really struggling with their sexuality. This is some hard stuff to get into, and I used to just back away from anyone with these kinds of issues, but God is breaking my heart and showing me how to have compassion for them. I have one sister in Christ who has been in that lifestyle before and as she was sharing with me her stuggles and temptations, I couldn't help but be broken hearted and burdened for her. She is one of the ones on the team who has made such and effort to disciple me. She is so strong and lives so freely, you can really tell that Christ has claimed her and she Him. It broke my heart to see her so upset... I can't even pretend to know or understand what she is struggling with, but I know she is searching and hurting for love and truth, just like we all are. I want so much for God to just ban satan from her, but I know he is testing her and making her stronger. It just breaks my heart.
God has also been teaching me about the body of Christ and the church this summer. Like many people my age, I don't really know where I fall into this whole church business. I have seen though, through this summer that a body of believers can come to gether anywhere, and its not just about being nice to one another and having a surface conversation. Its about truth and honesty and love and not being afraid to confront another person. I don't really feel constricted like when God moves across my heart and tells me to do something, I can really do it... and feel like I've accomplished something for HIm. I'm still learning what it all means...but I feel like I've come a long way. My biggest goal is just learning to love people.
I know this has been a spacey post, but I feel like there is so much to say, its just kind of in the back of my head and its not all enunciated and thought out yet. So, I apologize, I just hope some of this makes sense.
peace...
I want to start off my blog with a poem that I wrote last Wednesday. It sums up my feelings over the summer:
"Beautiful Prison"
Entering in,
awe and beauty,
flashing landscapes and
a cumbersome duty,
Beautiful reason
I've called it my own
loving and seeking
I'm giving it all away.
Familiarity
living crudely
mounting tension
behaving rudely
Beautiful prison,
I've made it my own
boxed in reality
I'm wasting it all away.
New day breaking,
Freedom unruly,
Clear eyes awakening,
and living truly,
Beautiful reason,
You've made it more known
living and breathing
I'm taking it in today.
That kind of sums up what I've felt about this summer. Its been a rollercoaster of emotions but God never fails to put my perspective into place.
My prayer for my last couple of weeks here is that I will not become numb or apathetic and just waste time. I know God has things planned for me here.
God has taught me a lot about sharing Christ's love with different kinds of people with different lifestyles lately. I have a few friends here that are really struggling with their sexuality. This is some hard stuff to get into, and I used to just back away from anyone with these kinds of issues, but God is breaking my heart and showing me how to have compassion for them. I have one sister in Christ who has been in that lifestyle before and as she was sharing with me her stuggles and temptations, I couldn't help but be broken hearted and burdened for her. She is one of the ones on the team who has made such and effort to disciple me. She is so strong and lives so freely, you can really tell that Christ has claimed her and she Him. It broke my heart to see her so upset... I can't even pretend to know or understand what she is struggling with, but I know she is searching and hurting for love and truth, just like we all are. I want so much for God to just ban satan from her, but I know he is testing her and making her stronger. It just breaks my heart.
God has also been teaching me about the body of Christ and the church this summer. Like many people my age, I don't really know where I fall into this whole church business. I have seen though, through this summer that a body of believers can come to gether anywhere, and its not just about being nice to one another and having a surface conversation. Its about truth and honesty and love and not being afraid to confront another person. I don't really feel constricted like when God moves across my heart and tells me to do something, I can really do it... and feel like I've accomplished something for HIm. I'm still learning what it all means...but I feel like I've come a long way. My biggest goal is just learning to love people.
I know this has been a spacey post, but I feel like there is so much to say, its just kind of in the back of my head and its not all enunciated and thought out yet. So, I apologize, I just hope some of this makes sense.
peace...
Monday, July 9, 2007
hidden falls
Last night was just what I needed. Zach Kate and I hiked up to hidden falls to spend the night. Its this little waterfall that only park employees are supposed to know about. You hike for about an hour, past a lake and through a small forest area, and then you get to a bridge. From there, its a hike through rocks and boulders and over fallen trees... its a trick to get to, especially in the dark( which is what we did). We made it there eventually and laid out our sleeping bags on this huge slab of granite. The falls have all but dried up, but there were still a few little pools up there. The sound of the water rushing over the rocks is what makes it though... that sound always calms me. We turned off our headlamps and turned our attention to the stars above. They are so vibrant in the wilderness! The weather was perfect and even though I didn't get much sleep, I awoke to the sun just coloring the tops of the highest mountains. It was funny because in the dark we thought we had selected a flat place to sleep, but in the daylight we could see it was slanted and our sleeping bags kept slipping down the whole night. to wake up, we took a dip in a crystal clear (and cold!) pool and headed down the mountain to meet some friends to go swimming. It turned out to be just what I needed.
We drove to El Portel, about a thirty minute drive from Yosemite valley and instantly 10 degrees hotter. We parked on the side of the river and hiked for about twenty minutes until we reached this deep pool with high rocks all around and a waterfall on one end. There was a rope on one side of the rock so of course I had to try it out. It reminded me a lot of the ranch in south texas and the old blue hole. We had a fun time swimming and splashing around. Its fun because on almost every adventure, I've gotten to hang out with and meet new people. I like that... it will be sad to leave everyone in a few weeks and know I might not see them again... some of them have already started to leave.
I have the next few days off and I hope to have more spontaneous fun like today!
We drove to El Portel, about a thirty minute drive from Yosemite valley and instantly 10 degrees hotter. We parked on the side of the river and hiked for about twenty minutes until we reached this deep pool with high rocks all around and a waterfall on one end. There was a rope on one side of the rock so of course I had to try it out. It reminded me a lot of the ranch in south texas and the old blue hole. We had a fun time swimming and splashing around. Its fun because on almost every adventure, I've gotten to hang out with and meet new people. I like that... it will be sad to leave everyone in a few weeks and know I might not see them again... some of them have already started to leave.
I have the next few days off and I hope to have more spontaneous fun like today!
Sunday, July 8, 2007
true introvert
I am so hungry for some alone time! I am always around people here. At work, after work, when I sleep, when I eat. My true introvert colors are starting to show... I only feel energized and together when I get some time to myself. I think actually though, I just want someone to seem interested in my life... more bluntly... to love me. I know you have to give to receive and all that, but I feel like others around me are having so much fun and I'm counting down the days until I get out of here. How can some place that feels so freeing start to feel like such a prison? Maybe part of it is pride? I know that my Christian brothers and sisters would be there in a heartbeat to lift me up, but I don't want to admit that I am extremely homesick and having a hard time. I don't want to be that negative person.... so maybe I just need to spend a couple hours alone to just regroup, because as my wise friend said here, I'll never be good for anyone if I'm not good for myself. I guess my only drawback is that I don't want to miss out on things or opportunities and I feel like I"m the only person who needs this time to myself... is that so wierd?
Maybe God is teaching me contentment. These feelings happen to me a lot. When ever I start something new, I love it, I"m so passionate about it, but then a couple months or even weeks into it I get tired and ready for something else new... what is that? I need to learn to be happy where I am.
It just hurts sometimes when you feel like you're giving everything and trying so hard to be interested in people's lives and you get nothing in return. Am I even doing any good? Am I changing lives? Do I have a purpose? The other day I had some flyers I was putting up for the gathering (our weekly church service). I saw one of my friends and he asked me what I was doing, and I showed him the flyers. He practically laughed in my face. Now that hurt. How can someone laugh about something that is so important to me, is my very breath and my very strength? I try so hard to be accepting of everyone else, even when they are drunk or high and just plain annoying... why why why?
ok, I'm finished with my rant... I just needed to get that out... I told you I was going to be honest on here, didn't I?
The last couple of weeks have been very busy. Last week I went to hike in tuolumne with some of my friends. That's still in the national park, but its classified as high country. In some parts, there's still snow on the ground even when its 105 here. We hiked up this trail that's about a mile up, but its straight up. We go from 4000 ft. in the valley to all of a sudden we're 10000 ft. That's quite a climb. But once we huffed and puffed our way up, it was beautiful. The trail flattened out into this meadow and we were surrounded by mountain ranges every where we looked. Some were snow capped, others were high ridges of red rock. Directly ahead of us was a lake called Gaylor lake, and several other tarn lakes in other directions. It was beautiful! of course I wanted to get higher up to take in more of the view, so I climbed up to Gaylor point. Basically it was just a bunch of rocks and I had to pick my way through. When I finally got up, I sat down and it.. was... so ...quiet. I loved it. All I could hear was the wind... for miles and miles I was surrounded by mountains. Not the wimpy ones we have in south texas, but huge granite glacier carved mountain ridges. Wow. If anyone has a chance to get on face books there's a picture of me lying in the meadow. How's that for relaxation!
Last weekend a couple of friends and me took a trip to San francisco. Of course after we stopped to get wild strawberries from the field, I fell asleep in the car and awoke to the bay bridge! I have never seen anything like it. We went directly to AT and T stadium to watch the giants play. They won 13 to 0 against Arizona, but I got extremely sunburnt. I just didn't think I would because of the breeze blowing right off the bay. Something I thought was funny was that these kayakers would come across the bay and sit and wait for homeruns or fly balls to hit the bay and then they would all scramble to pick them up out of the water. After that we went to our hostel, the Green tortoise. Anyone who hasn't ever stayed in a hostel should. It was a blast. We paid $27.00 for the night and got a room, bed, free linens, showers, free breakfast, internet and had a band play that night! it was great and we got to meet people from all over the world. We visited places like China town( bubble tea, yum) Haite ashbury street ( the corner where the hipppie movement started in the 60s) pier 39, fisherman's wharf (where we ate some clam chowder in sourdough breadbowls), ghiradelli square and tons of other stuff. ONe of my favorite moments was the park around the golden gate bridge. I took off my shoes and waded into the water... ahhh... ocean... it was great. We spent a lot of money (the city is expensive) but it was worth it.
For July fourth a group of us went up to the mobil (this random gas station high in the sierras that serves gourmet food and has bands that play on the weekends and for special events)The band that was playing was called the Trespassers. They were basically indie folk band (code for honky tonk country california music and hippie dancing). Once we got finished eating dinner, they started playing on this stage at one end of the outdoor part of the restaurant. Everyone gathered in front and started dancing. It was the most freeing feeling because nobody cared what you looked like.. so we all took off our shoes, rolled up our pants, and danced in the mud all night long. It was one of the most exhilarating times I've had here. I just love hippies. I love to watch them and I'd love to imitate parts of their lifestyle. They are so free... they wear whatever they want, no make up, love nature, people and are basically nomadic. they live life every day to the fullest and just enjoy it. They are not driven by fame, money or success... that's freedom to me.
Nights in boystown are pretty fun... on any given night somebody is barbqueing or playing music or just hanging out and discussing life. I am homesick... but there's always something to do...
Maybe God is teaching me contentment. These feelings happen to me a lot. When ever I start something new, I love it, I"m so passionate about it, but then a couple months or even weeks into it I get tired and ready for something else new... what is that? I need to learn to be happy where I am.
It just hurts sometimes when you feel like you're giving everything and trying so hard to be interested in people's lives and you get nothing in return. Am I even doing any good? Am I changing lives? Do I have a purpose? The other day I had some flyers I was putting up for the gathering (our weekly church service). I saw one of my friends and he asked me what I was doing, and I showed him the flyers. He practically laughed in my face. Now that hurt. How can someone laugh about something that is so important to me, is my very breath and my very strength? I try so hard to be accepting of everyone else, even when they are drunk or high and just plain annoying... why why why?
ok, I'm finished with my rant... I just needed to get that out... I told you I was going to be honest on here, didn't I?
The last couple of weeks have been very busy. Last week I went to hike in tuolumne with some of my friends. That's still in the national park, but its classified as high country. In some parts, there's still snow on the ground even when its 105 here. We hiked up this trail that's about a mile up, but its straight up. We go from 4000 ft. in the valley to all of a sudden we're 10000 ft. That's quite a climb. But once we huffed and puffed our way up, it was beautiful. The trail flattened out into this meadow and we were surrounded by mountain ranges every where we looked. Some were snow capped, others were high ridges of red rock. Directly ahead of us was a lake called Gaylor lake, and several other tarn lakes in other directions. It was beautiful! of course I wanted to get higher up to take in more of the view, so I climbed up to Gaylor point. Basically it was just a bunch of rocks and I had to pick my way through. When I finally got up, I sat down and it.. was... so ...quiet. I loved it. All I could hear was the wind... for miles and miles I was surrounded by mountains. Not the wimpy ones we have in south texas, but huge granite glacier carved mountain ridges. Wow. If anyone has a chance to get on face books there's a picture of me lying in the meadow. How's that for relaxation!
Last weekend a couple of friends and me took a trip to San francisco. Of course after we stopped to get wild strawberries from the field, I fell asleep in the car and awoke to the bay bridge! I have never seen anything like it. We went directly to AT and T stadium to watch the giants play. They won 13 to 0 against Arizona, but I got extremely sunburnt. I just didn't think I would because of the breeze blowing right off the bay. Something I thought was funny was that these kayakers would come across the bay and sit and wait for homeruns or fly balls to hit the bay and then they would all scramble to pick them up out of the water. After that we went to our hostel, the Green tortoise. Anyone who hasn't ever stayed in a hostel should. It was a blast. We paid $27.00 for the night and got a room, bed, free linens, showers, free breakfast, internet and had a band play that night! it was great and we got to meet people from all over the world. We visited places like China town( bubble tea, yum) Haite ashbury street ( the corner where the hipppie movement started in the 60s) pier 39, fisherman's wharf (where we ate some clam chowder in sourdough breadbowls), ghiradelli square and tons of other stuff. ONe of my favorite moments was the park around the golden gate bridge. I took off my shoes and waded into the water... ahhh... ocean... it was great. We spent a lot of money (the city is expensive) but it was worth it.
For July fourth a group of us went up to the mobil (this random gas station high in the sierras that serves gourmet food and has bands that play on the weekends and for special events)The band that was playing was called the Trespassers. They were basically indie folk band (code for honky tonk country california music and hippie dancing). Once we got finished eating dinner, they started playing on this stage at one end of the outdoor part of the restaurant. Everyone gathered in front and started dancing. It was the most freeing feeling because nobody cared what you looked like.. so we all took off our shoes, rolled up our pants, and danced in the mud all night long. It was one of the most exhilarating times I've had here. I just love hippies. I love to watch them and I'd love to imitate parts of their lifestyle. They are so free... they wear whatever they want, no make up, love nature, people and are basically nomadic. they live life every day to the fullest and just enjoy it. They are not driven by fame, money or success... that's freedom to me.
Nights in boystown are pretty fun... on any given night somebody is barbqueing or playing music or just hanging out and discussing life. I am homesick... but there's always something to do...
Monday, June 25, 2007
God thoughts
I can't believe that June is almost over! I haven't blogged in awhile because time is short and computers are few and far between. Lots of people bring laptops and they offer to let me use theirs, but I feel like I need time that I am alone and quiet enought to think to write coherent thoughts on here.
I've been struggling a little bit the past few weeks, trying to figure some things out. I think I have adjusted well and I love it here, but I'm just trying to find my place and where I belong. I want to feel that I do things for a reason and not just because everyone else is doing them... in a sense, I want to be totally myself and not let others influence me or what I think...I can be open, yes, but I want to take everything in, think about it and figure it out for myself. So.. I've been keeping a personal journal for all the little rants and raves you guys don't want to read about here.
A little excerpt from my journal:
"I often feel here that I am running farther away from organized religion, but closer to the real truth. I don't think its something to be concerned about, however, just a purer form of what I believe." this creates conflict though with my upbringing and what I am learning out here. I want to hold tight to my past because its comfortable and I know it.. but I want to embrace the life I've made for myself and that God has led me toward out here because its new exciting and fullfilling... its my own. What is religion anyways? So often I feel like I fall into the trap of believing words that other people have spoken and taking them more to heart than I take Jesus's words to heart. I've conformed myself to an idea and not to Himself. He's the one we profess to follow anyways, isn't He? Not tradition, not organizations that someone else has made up. It might sound cynical, but its not. I think I'm past that stage, though I did go through it for awhile. Its funny, there's a girl out here on the tribe that is going through things exactly the way I did a year ago... its weird to be on the other side of it, not to say that I know a lot more, but I've been there and its cool to kind of offer words of wisdom and help her along and let her know its ok to question and find Jesus for yourself.
I had some interesting talks with a few people yesterday. Turns out both of them are from a Christian upbringing, but came out here this summer to really figure out what they beleive. One of them is reading a book by an atheist called The God Dillusion that sounds really interesting. Basically it bashes organized religion. I think I might try to get ahold of one when I get back or maybe read some of it out here. I think its so important to know how other people view our faith and I think it makes us more open minded and open for discussion when we study and read what others say through literature. That's what I love out here too, people are so intellectual and it seems they are so hungry for things to read and discover. I love that open mind set!
Anyways, through talking with them yesterday or basically I was just listening, I have my share of things to think about. Here's one of the things we discussed:
One guy says that religion is taboo. He said for example his grandmother just died and nobody will talk about her. He thinks that death=afterlife which=religion so that's why people don't talk about death, they just avoid it. Interesting theory, right? I've never thought about it that way before. Basically they just think that without afterlife there would be no reason for Christianity... whoa... my head just exploded a little. How do I go there? How do I even begin? anyways... thoughts...
So I'm thankful that God has given me some things to work through this week. I love talking about things like that and I am looking forward to continually discussing things of that nature.
to close, I'll post a poem that I wrote about Yosemite the other day.....
Creativity explosive
Beauty mingled with danger
Pain written on blank faces
passes through like clouds in the mountains.
Love is concealed
cut by sharp edged souls
and revealed
only to be sutured by experiences
that remain a mystery.
Shine a light in their souls,
search the canyons and caves
for a lingering flicker of light
to ignite hope
and run towards the flame in the distance.
I've been struggling a little bit the past few weeks, trying to figure some things out. I think I have adjusted well and I love it here, but I'm just trying to find my place and where I belong. I want to feel that I do things for a reason and not just because everyone else is doing them... in a sense, I want to be totally myself and not let others influence me or what I think...I can be open, yes, but I want to take everything in, think about it and figure it out for myself. So.. I've been keeping a personal journal for all the little rants and raves you guys don't want to read about here.
A little excerpt from my journal:
"I often feel here that I am running farther away from organized religion, but closer to the real truth. I don't think its something to be concerned about, however, just a purer form of what I believe." this creates conflict though with my upbringing and what I am learning out here. I want to hold tight to my past because its comfortable and I know it.. but I want to embrace the life I've made for myself and that God has led me toward out here because its new exciting and fullfilling... its my own. What is religion anyways? So often I feel like I fall into the trap of believing words that other people have spoken and taking them more to heart than I take Jesus's words to heart. I've conformed myself to an idea and not to Himself. He's the one we profess to follow anyways, isn't He? Not tradition, not organizations that someone else has made up. It might sound cynical, but its not. I think I'm past that stage, though I did go through it for awhile. Its funny, there's a girl out here on the tribe that is going through things exactly the way I did a year ago... its weird to be on the other side of it, not to say that I know a lot more, but I've been there and its cool to kind of offer words of wisdom and help her along and let her know its ok to question and find Jesus for yourself.
I had some interesting talks with a few people yesterday. Turns out both of them are from a Christian upbringing, but came out here this summer to really figure out what they beleive. One of them is reading a book by an atheist called The God Dillusion that sounds really interesting. Basically it bashes organized religion. I think I might try to get ahold of one when I get back or maybe read some of it out here. I think its so important to know how other people view our faith and I think it makes us more open minded and open for discussion when we study and read what others say through literature. That's what I love out here too, people are so intellectual and it seems they are so hungry for things to read and discover. I love that open mind set!
Anyways, through talking with them yesterday or basically I was just listening, I have my share of things to think about. Here's one of the things we discussed:
One guy says that religion is taboo. He said for example his grandmother just died and nobody will talk about her. He thinks that death=afterlife which=religion so that's why people don't talk about death, they just avoid it. Interesting theory, right? I've never thought about it that way before. Basically they just think that without afterlife there would be no reason for Christianity... whoa... my head just exploded a little. How do I go there? How do I even begin? anyways... thoughts...
So I'm thankful that God has given me some things to work through this week. I love talking about things like that and I am looking forward to continually discussing things of that nature.
to close, I'll post a poem that I wrote about Yosemite the other day.....
Creativity explosive
Beauty mingled with danger
Pain written on blank faces
passes through like clouds in the mountains.
Love is concealed
cut by sharp edged souls
and revealed
only to be sutured by experiences
that remain a mystery.
Shine a light in their souls,
search the canyons and caves
for a lingering flicker of light
to ignite hope
and run towards the flame in the distance.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
silent hearts
The beginnings of the weeks are usually pretty uneventfull for me. I worked Sunday and Monday and the last few days I've had off, I've just spent a lot of time to myself. I went to the pool with a friend Tuesday morning and then went rock climbing that night. I'll have to say I'm scared of putting my life in someone else's hands while they belay me from down below, even though they catch me every time I fall. I'm having a little issue with trust here. Hmmm. kind of sounds like my relationship with God most of the time...
I want so bad to open my heart up to people and love them and be myself... but its just so hard to trust sometimes. I'm sort of feeling at a loss too, because I don't feel like I have anyone here that really understands my heart, and will listen to me. Its hard to have to always be the listener to other people. And, as most of you know, I'm a slow contemplative kind of person. I like to sit still, silently and listen to waterfalls or watch stars and just let the sounds of nature wash over me. Maybe its just the employee housing unit where I live, but everyone there seems to want to be entertained 24/7. I think some of them think its wierd that I'm not continually talking, but I have things to say sometimes, and I'm not going to force myself to be someone I'm not. Quite honestly, it exhausts me to try to keep a conversation going all the time. I love it when I can hang out with people who enjoy friendly silence. I was thinking today that older people are pretty much the only ones who know how to sit on the porch and just watch the sun set. Its not because they are old and tired, but because they know how to enjoy life and the wisdom in their years makes them sit down and take in everything they've rushed by for so long. I hope I take in a lot of sunsets before I'm old.
I was reading a verse in Hosea the other day, and it went something like this... hosea is referencing Israel... "she went after her lovers, but me she forgot. " I feel like this a lot. Like there are so many things I want to do and accomoplish but I forget that its the Lord who frees me and gives me peace and makes it all possible. I need to continue to feel comfortable with who I am in the Lord and quite running after things that I'm not.
Back to work tomorrow and pretty soon it will be the weekend again! Take care everyone!
ps. I was invited to hike half dome again today (the 16 mile hike with cables at the top) but I chickened out again! oops!
I want so bad to open my heart up to people and love them and be myself... but its just so hard to trust sometimes. I'm sort of feeling at a loss too, because I don't feel like I have anyone here that really understands my heart, and will listen to me. Its hard to have to always be the listener to other people. And, as most of you know, I'm a slow contemplative kind of person. I like to sit still, silently and listen to waterfalls or watch stars and just let the sounds of nature wash over me. Maybe its just the employee housing unit where I live, but everyone there seems to want to be entertained 24/7. I think some of them think its wierd that I'm not continually talking, but I have things to say sometimes, and I'm not going to force myself to be someone I'm not. Quite honestly, it exhausts me to try to keep a conversation going all the time. I love it when I can hang out with people who enjoy friendly silence. I was thinking today that older people are pretty much the only ones who know how to sit on the porch and just watch the sun set. Its not because they are old and tired, but because they know how to enjoy life and the wisdom in their years makes them sit down and take in everything they've rushed by for so long. I hope I take in a lot of sunsets before I'm old.
I was reading a verse in Hosea the other day, and it went something like this... hosea is referencing Israel... "she went after her lovers, but me she forgot. " I feel like this a lot. Like there are so many things I want to do and accomoplish but I forget that its the Lord who frees me and gives me peace and makes it all possible. I need to continue to feel comfortable with who I am in the Lord and quite running after things that I'm not.
Back to work tomorrow and pretty soon it will be the weekend again! Take care everyone!
ps. I was invited to hike half dome again today (the 16 mile hike with cables at the top) but I chickened out again! oops!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
lots of new
Lots of new experiences lately!
A couple of nights ago I heard a rockfall! it was so loud I heard it and it woke me up even with my earplugs in. I think it knocked out a window in the Curry housing area, but other than that, nothing big happened.
Yesterday I hiked Upper Yosemite falls by myself! No one was available or off work, so I set off on an adventure after a big breakfast and a little hang time with my tent neighbor. Its a 6.8 mile trail round trip, but by the time it was all said and done, I think I hiked about 7 miles and it took about 5 hours! yikes! yes, and my legs are really sore today. The trip up there to the falls was okay, except on some parts there were huge sand pits and slippery rocks. That was no fun, especially the last half mile was totally uphill and you had to climb these big rocks in the path. It was kind of like climbing a mountain in the ocean. Once I got up there though, it was all worth it. I walked down this narrow staircase to a little guardrail and looked over. The falls tumbled down the rocks below me and disappeared in the distance. The sun reflected off the mist and made a rainbow. Periodically when it got really windy, the mist blew over to where I was standing and cooled me off. It was so beautiful and then it hit me that I was standing above the tallest waterfall in North America, and I hiked it myself!! ok, sorry I'm just really proud of my accomoplishments. I rested for awhile and then hiked down. Now that part was annoying. I expected to go faster down than I did coming up, but the rocks are so steep and slippery with sand that I had to take my time. It probably took the same amount of time going down than it did coming up. By the time I got down I was in a bad mood, out of water, sunburnt and incredibly dirty and sweaty... the rest of the night I just kind of sat around...but it was afun day!
I just want to say that I am amazed by how creative and individual people are here. The creativity is just explosive. I was talking to this girl in the kitchen the other night and she showed me some of her art. She drew it with a pen, but it looked like a computer graphic. It was so amazing and on top of that she was sewing her own clothes.
At the same time however, pain and hurt is so real here. Sometimes when I look at someone I can just feel it radiating off their face. Its so sad and I hurt for them. For some, its their last chance to prove themselves.
ahhh yosemite... well, have to go to work soon!
A couple of nights ago I heard a rockfall! it was so loud I heard it and it woke me up even with my earplugs in. I think it knocked out a window in the Curry housing area, but other than that, nothing big happened.
Yesterday I hiked Upper Yosemite falls by myself! No one was available or off work, so I set off on an adventure after a big breakfast and a little hang time with my tent neighbor. Its a 6.8 mile trail round trip, but by the time it was all said and done, I think I hiked about 7 miles and it took about 5 hours! yikes! yes, and my legs are really sore today. The trip up there to the falls was okay, except on some parts there were huge sand pits and slippery rocks. That was no fun, especially the last half mile was totally uphill and you had to climb these big rocks in the path. It was kind of like climbing a mountain in the ocean. Once I got up there though, it was all worth it. I walked down this narrow staircase to a little guardrail and looked over. The falls tumbled down the rocks below me and disappeared in the distance. The sun reflected off the mist and made a rainbow. Periodically when it got really windy, the mist blew over to where I was standing and cooled me off. It was so beautiful and then it hit me that I was standing above the tallest waterfall in North America, and I hiked it myself!! ok, sorry I'm just really proud of my accomoplishments. I rested for awhile and then hiked down. Now that part was annoying. I expected to go faster down than I did coming up, but the rocks are so steep and slippery with sand that I had to take my time. It probably took the same amount of time going down than it did coming up. By the time I got down I was in a bad mood, out of water, sunburnt and incredibly dirty and sweaty... the rest of the night I just kind of sat around...but it was afun day!
I just want to say that I am amazed by how creative and individual people are here. The creativity is just explosive. I was talking to this girl in the kitchen the other night and she showed me some of her art. She drew it with a pen, but it looked like a computer graphic. It was so amazing and on top of that she was sewing her own clothes.
At the same time however, pain and hurt is so real here. Sometimes when I look at someone I can just feel it radiating off their face. Its so sad and I hurt for them. For some, its their last chance to prove themselves.
ahhh yosemite... well, have to go to work soon!
Friday, June 8, 2007
heaven
Here's the deal...
I have been really feeling numb to everything the past couple of days. I think my mind and heart are in survival mode, just getting through the days and sometimes a cloud of homesickness. I prayed Thursday morning for a word from God, I am so hungry for intimate and deep conversations I am used to having at home. I know part of it is me initiating it, but a lot of times I just don't know where to begin. I feel like I have to hide sometimes, like if I admit I"m a Christ follower I'll get stoned or something. However, God did answer my prayer Thursday night...I am amazed by how quickly he answers at times, and I did have some good conversations. Here's how the last couple of days have looked...
I have to admit, I just got off work and I"m kind of in a bad mood right now... just tired... so excuse the negativity.
Wednesday night
I was off Wednesday and it was cold and rainy so I kind of hung out and did some reading. That night we had the gathering. I am usually excited to go, but this time it disappointed me a little. It just seemed like there was really a lack of inviting conversation and spiritual questions. Honestly I felt like I was back in sunday school, sitting in a circle, eating crackers and hearing stories about Jesus. Ahhh its so much more real than that! and how am I going to feel comfortable bringing my friends to learn about my God if I feel awkward at my own gathering???So, yeah that was frusterating.
Thursday I just really felt like I needed some conversation... like I said, survival mode, it can get lonely at times. So I was working thursday night with some of my other co workers, and I"m not even sure how it got started, but we started talking about heaven. ONe of the guys was saying how he wasn't really sure he wanted to go there if it was always good all the time. He said that one thing he enjoyed about life was the conflict, and that if heaven didn't involve conflict, it wasn't real... he considers things that are all good, fake. Hmmmm interesting. I"ve never heard that before. Here I was, brought up southern baptist, learning my whole life that we look forward to heaven, we sing songs about heaven, we wish for it, we wait for it, and here is this guy saying he doesn't want to go??? I think I uttered something lame like yeah I want to go... it could be cool... (how's that for intelligent?)So the next question he asks is if I'm religious. I squirmed a little because religious means to me something highly rigid and rule based, so I said that and then he asked the girl next to me. Turns out we were both brought up baptist. I asked him if he thought religious people were hypocritical and close minded( he had mentioned earlier that he had some religious relatives that annoyed him and he didn't even talk to them anymore. )(oh yeah I think the talk got started with someone saying they were conservative... now I remember)He actually disagreed and said no, when he thought of Christians, he thought of good( in a good sense, not a fake sense) and that he went on mission trips to build houses with Christian groups in new mexico. ( now that's one I haven't heard out here either, Christians are good? I was expecting to get shunned). From there the conversation led into a discussion about the bible and both of my co workers saying that even though the social definition of the bible is a rule book, they think there is a lot more to it, moral stories, life lessons... (i was surprised by this also)Turns out that one girl knew a lot about scripture and the other guy had read a bit of the bible. he started telling me though that he thought religion was hypocritical because of pastors. Who has the authority to tell them they know more about sin and the bible than anyone else he asked? HOw do they know they can pardon sin? (From there, a conversation about catholocism ensued)
We eventually wrapped it up, we were supposed to be working, you know, but I felt so energized. Talking about Faith and different religions is my favorite thing to talk about. Everyone has such different ideas, and there is no way I am even close to knowing everything. I kind of like that feeling.
People have such different beliefs here, like this one girl I know believes that nature and animals and people are one creation, and that animals have souls... I've that before...its all so confusing and its hard to sort out, so for the majority of the time I just sit and listen until God gives me the go ahead to say something. Sometimes it comes out all blah and ignorant and stupid and I hesitate and get scared, but I figure God will forgive me right, like he forgave moses? I just hope He doesn't have to turn anysticks into snakes to get my attention... now that would be scary...
I have been really feeling numb to everything the past couple of days. I think my mind and heart are in survival mode, just getting through the days and sometimes a cloud of homesickness. I prayed Thursday morning for a word from God, I am so hungry for intimate and deep conversations I am used to having at home. I know part of it is me initiating it, but a lot of times I just don't know where to begin. I feel like I have to hide sometimes, like if I admit I"m a Christ follower I'll get stoned or something. However, God did answer my prayer Thursday night...I am amazed by how quickly he answers at times, and I did have some good conversations. Here's how the last couple of days have looked...
I have to admit, I just got off work and I"m kind of in a bad mood right now... just tired... so excuse the negativity.
Wednesday night
I was off Wednesday and it was cold and rainy so I kind of hung out and did some reading. That night we had the gathering. I am usually excited to go, but this time it disappointed me a little. It just seemed like there was really a lack of inviting conversation and spiritual questions. Honestly I felt like I was back in sunday school, sitting in a circle, eating crackers and hearing stories about Jesus. Ahhh its so much more real than that! and how am I going to feel comfortable bringing my friends to learn about my God if I feel awkward at my own gathering???So, yeah that was frusterating.
Thursday I just really felt like I needed some conversation... like I said, survival mode, it can get lonely at times. So I was working thursday night with some of my other co workers, and I"m not even sure how it got started, but we started talking about heaven. ONe of the guys was saying how he wasn't really sure he wanted to go there if it was always good all the time. He said that one thing he enjoyed about life was the conflict, and that if heaven didn't involve conflict, it wasn't real... he considers things that are all good, fake. Hmmmm interesting. I"ve never heard that before. Here I was, brought up southern baptist, learning my whole life that we look forward to heaven, we sing songs about heaven, we wish for it, we wait for it, and here is this guy saying he doesn't want to go??? I think I uttered something lame like yeah I want to go... it could be cool... (how's that for intelligent?)So the next question he asks is if I'm religious. I squirmed a little because religious means to me something highly rigid and rule based, so I said that and then he asked the girl next to me. Turns out we were both brought up baptist. I asked him if he thought religious people were hypocritical and close minded( he had mentioned earlier that he had some religious relatives that annoyed him and he didn't even talk to them anymore. )(oh yeah I think the talk got started with someone saying they were conservative... now I remember)He actually disagreed and said no, when he thought of Christians, he thought of good( in a good sense, not a fake sense) and that he went on mission trips to build houses with Christian groups in new mexico. ( now that's one I haven't heard out here either, Christians are good? I was expecting to get shunned). From there the conversation led into a discussion about the bible and both of my co workers saying that even though the social definition of the bible is a rule book, they think there is a lot more to it, moral stories, life lessons... (i was surprised by this also)Turns out that one girl knew a lot about scripture and the other guy had read a bit of the bible. he started telling me though that he thought religion was hypocritical because of pastors. Who has the authority to tell them they know more about sin and the bible than anyone else he asked? HOw do they know they can pardon sin? (From there, a conversation about catholocism ensued)
We eventually wrapped it up, we were supposed to be working, you know, but I felt so energized. Talking about Faith and different religions is my favorite thing to talk about. Everyone has such different ideas, and there is no way I am even close to knowing everything. I kind of like that feeling.
People have such different beliefs here, like this one girl I know believes that nature and animals and people are one creation, and that animals have souls... I've that before...its all so confusing and its hard to sort out, so for the majority of the time I just sit and listen until God gives me the go ahead to say something. Sometimes it comes out all blah and ignorant and stupid and I hesitate and get scared, but I figure God will forgive me right, like he forgave moses? I just hope He doesn't have to turn anysticks into snakes to get my attention... now that would be scary...
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
the groove
I haven't had anything to write in a couple of days because I haven't really been doing anything. I had Saturday and Sunday off, Saturday I'm pretty sure I just bummed around, spent a lot of time reading and Sunday we took a group rafting. It was really relaxing just to sit on the boat and watch the mountains pass by.The water was cold though, and I didn't get in even though it was hot out. Later that day a bunch of us ate lunch outside on the pizza deck. Monday I had to work. That night a group of us had a picnic in my tent and then we hung out with a bunch of people in boystown that were having a barbque. We did that for awhile and then headed over to another living area to hang out with more people, but that was awkward so we left. We met a lot of people though. Yesterday it was cold and rainy and I hung out with some friends in the morning and that afternoon we went to Oakhurst to get groceries. (I've gotten very tired of eating peanut butter and jelly). We at a Mexican food restaurant there called... get this... Mexican food. haha. IT was soooo good, though, I can't believe I've missed mexican food that much. Everything here is so fresh, we had fresh avacado with our meal. yum. We kind of wasted time in oak hurst for awhile that night, it was good to get out of the valley. Sometimes it seems boring here especially if you don't have a car to go anywhere and you don't drink. At night that's pretty much what everyone does... drink. it makes for some pretty good entertainment but it gets old after awhile.
Yesterday it turned cold and the clouds covered the mountains. IT was really pretty, but I was so busy looking at it I forgot to take a picture. oh well, i'm sure it will rain again.
A bunch of us had planned on going on a sixteen mile hike today,to the good ole half dome ( a steep hike with the last six hundred yards accessible only by cables) but it was too cold and wet...a little disappointing, but I am planning on making a good meal for lunch, (vegetarian stir fry anyone?) and going to the gathering later tonight. and maybe playing the piano and reading a little. So... i'm settling into the groove of Yosemite...
on a deeper level, I've really been thinking about trust lately. Before I came here I told myself that I was going to be open and vulnerable and real with everyone... I hate it when people are fake and I never wanted to be one of those people. In the past I have had trouble with trusting, but my philosophy now is to be real and risk getting hurt. Well I did. I got frusterated at work Monday because I didn't know who to trust. Everyone was talking about everyone, and people I thought were my friends still were but were possibly for the wrong reasons. I just get hurt sometimes when it seems like I am doing my best to be myself and open myself up to people and it just gets thrown back in my face. I've just decided to give this person the benefit of the doubt and be friends with them, but I hate the fact I have to be on my guard and sometiems watch my back. Everyone is not good in the world, and I know that is something I've known for awhile, but its hard when its reality again. Maybe all this sounds naive, but its worth pondering...
Yesterday it turned cold and the clouds covered the mountains. IT was really pretty, but I was so busy looking at it I forgot to take a picture. oh well, i'm sure it will rain again.
A bunch of us had planned on going on a sixteen mile hike today,to the good ole half dome ( a steep hike with the last six hundred yards accessible only by cables) but it was too cold and wet...a little disappointing, but I am planning on making a good meal for lunch, (vegetarian stir fry anyone?) and going to the gathering later tonight. and maybe playing the piano and reading a little. So... i'm settling into the groove of Yosemite...
on a deeper level, I've really been thinking about trust lately. Before I came here I told myself that I was going to be open and vulnerable and real with everyone... I hate it when people are fake and I never wanted to be one of those people. In the past I have had trouble with trusting, but my philosophy now is to be real and risk getting hurt. Well I did. I got frusterated at work Monday because I didn't know who to trust. Everyone was talking about everyone, and people I thought were my friends still were but were possibly for the wrong reasons. I just get hurt sometimes when it seems like I am doing my best to be myself and open myself up to people and it just gets thrown back in my face. I've just decided to give this person the benefit of the doubt and be friends with them, but I hate the fact I have to be on my guard and sometiems watch my back. Everyone is not good in the world, and I know that is something I've known for awhile, but its hard when its reality again. Maybe all this sounds naive, but its worth pondering...
Friday, June 1, 2007
Glacier point
I can't believe I've been away from home for almost three weeks! This week especially has just flown by. Just two more months! That seems like forever, but I know it will go fast. Just know that I am missing everyone already!
Let me update on the last couple of days...
Wednesday I had to work so I missed the gathering where our tribe gets together and has a worship time. I was really sad because I really miss singing along to music on the guitar.. I feel that's what really brings me to life sometimes. So... everyone from the gathering surprised me at work with a chocolate chocolate chip birthday cake and sang happy birthday! I was so excited but kind of embarrassed because everyone in the hotel lobby was staring. It was fun though. They stayed for awhile and we ate cake.
Yesterday I woke up early and went on a hike to Glacier point, the four mile trail as it is also know. But I found out that it is actually 4.6 miles...and hiking from the place where I live, its probably over five! So I hiked five miles yesterday, mostly uphill. It was hard, especially at the top( my lungs are still not adjusted to this thin air, or my body its need for extreme amounts of water)But the view was worth it. While hiking, we came to a point where we were eye level with yosemite falls! it was beautiful. we hiked further up and came to a point where the trees cleared and you could see the valley in all directions and the mountains rising up from the valley. The higher we hiked, the more pine trees there were, and the trail eventually became covered with pine needles and that good ole pine smell. There were huge pinecones that could knock someone out... they were bigger than my face! The view was so beautiful and when we got to the top, we could see some of the mountaintops were still covered in snow. It still amazes me what yosemite looks like. Sometimes it feels like we're looking at a living painting. ESpecially at night, when the moon is rising over the mountain tops, it looks as if someone has painted a big backdrop and just stuck it up there. It doesn't look real... but it is and I"m living here!
ONce we got to the top of Glacier point we rested for awhile and had some much deserved icecream. We took a shuttle down and met some friends to drive to El Portal where steve lives. We ate pizza there and watched the movie Fight Club, and just hung out for awhile. Oh and I forgot... on the way there I bought my first bottle of wine to share with my friends! I felt kind of awkward though, but I'm officially legal!
Its been good to hang out with friends, espeically hiking with Bridget, Leigh, Matt and Selena yesterday... but I still miss the comfortableness(is that a word?)of home. I have been praying that I wouldn't just "get through" the next few months but really engage in relationships, live free and live life and show the truth and not withdraw from people when I feel sad. I know spending some alone time with the Lord will help and I plan to do that tomorrow.
Thanks to everyone who is praying... your prayers are felt, so don't stop!
ps.. funny note... I've been to several bar b ques here in California. What I'm used to in Texas is every kind of meat imaginabe dripping in sweet and spicy sauce. Know what they have at barbques here? Garden burgers... haha... I'm not even kidding. Its blasphemy!!!
Let me update on the last couple of days...
Wednesday I had to work so I missed the gathering where our tribe gets together and has a worship time. I was really sad because I really miss singing along to music on the guitar.. I feel that's what really brings me to life sometimes. So... everyone from the gathering surprised me at work with a chocolate chocolate chip birthday cake and sang happy birthday! I was so excited but kind of embarrassed because everyone in the hotel lobby was staring. It was fun though. They stayed for awhile and we ate cake.
Yesterday I woke up early and went on a hike to Glacier point, the four mile trail as it is also know. But I found out that it is actually 4.6 miles...and hiking from the place where I live, its probably over five! So I hiked five miles yesterday, mostly uphill. It was hard, especially at the top( my lungs are still not adjusted to this thin air, or my body its need for extreme amounts of water)But the view was worth it. While hiking, we came to a point where we were eye level with yosemite falls! it was beautiful. we hiked further up and came to a point where the trees cleared and you could see the valley in all directions and the mountains rising up from the valley. The higher we hiked, the more pine trees there were, and the trail eventually became covered with pine needles and that good ole pine smell. There were huge pinecones that could knock someone out... they were bigger than my face! The view was so beautiful and when we got to the top, we could see some of the mountaintops were still covered in snow. It still amazes me what yosemite looks like. Sometimes it feels like we're looking at a living painting. ESpecially at night, when the moon is rising over the mountain tops, it looks as if someone has painted a big backdrop and just stuck it up there. It doesn't look real... but it is and I"m living here!
ONce we got to the top of Glacier point we rested for awhile and had some much deserved icecream. We took a shuttle down and met some friends to drive to El Portal where steve lives. We ate pizza there and watched the movie Fight Club, and just hung out for awhile. Oh and I forgot... on the way there I bought my first bottle of wine to share with my friends! I felt kind of awkward though, but I'm officially legal!
Its been good to hang out with friends, espeically hiking with Bridget, Leigh, Matt and Selena yesterday... but I still miss the comfortableness(is that a word?)of home. I have been praying that I wouldn't just "get through" the next few months but really engage in relationships, live free and live life and show the truth and not withdraw from people when I feel sad. I know spending some alone time with the Lord will help and I plan to do that tomorrow.
Thanks to everyone who is praying... your prayers are felt, so don't stop!
ps.. funny note... I've been to several bar b ques here in California. What I'm used to in Texas is every kind of meat imaginabe dripping in sweet and spicy sauce. Know what they have at barbques here? Garden burgers... haha... I'm not even kidding. Its blasphemy!!!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
birthday fun!
Wow the last few days have been super busy! I started work on Monday the 28th. Those 7 hours of work and training went by fast compared to my 8 hours yesterday. I really like the day shift better.
My birthday was really fun, though I missed family and friends. Thanks to all of you who called me or left messages. I'm sorry if I haven't called back, when I actually do get time, its usually 11:00 my time, 1:00 am your time. I"m sure many of you would not appreciate that. I felt very loved, yesterday though. My friend who works in the coffee shop gave me free breakfast, and some other friends bought me lunch. there were several other birthday surprises during the day, and last night after I got off of work, we went to Yosemite falls to see a moonbow. NOw this is something I've never heard of since before I came here so I"ll explain a little...
Moon bow is when the full moon rises and reflects off the spray of a waterfall. It creates a white arc, similar to a rainbow, but without the colors. Its really beautiful to watch and if you watch it awhile(as we did) the moonbow will go away and then come back depending on how much the wind is blowing and how much water spray the waterfall is creating. It was really beautiful and I cannot imagine what it looks like when its in full force. We only got to see a small one because the bigger ones do not appear until early morning, and I was not willing to stay up that late. So.. maybe next month we can all camp out under the starts and wait for the moonbow. It was a good birthday present. WE also went to the meadow Monday night and loked at the stars and today we went to the Devil's bathtub. Its a pool of water on the mountain side which is heated by the sun. It was really small this year, but it started raining when we were climbing up, and we could see the rain blowing across the valley. We were higher than the trees! and The rain smelled so good !I wish I could have taken a picture but pictures can never capture the true beauty here... its too bad, you'll just have to come here yourself and visit me...:)
I've had little time to develop new relationships except for at work( which is fun and I love all the people there) so I'm just working on existing ones. We invited several friends to the moonbow, and some people are able to guess that we are from crossway(I'm not sure if this is good orbad?) I'm all for standing up for what you believe in, but I"m not sure if its a good idea to overwhelm people with a huge group of people who all believe in the same thing. It could be intimidating, and its a good way to turn people away. So we usually do not tell people who we are with or what we believe in unless they ask. Its pretty easy to get on the topic, though. Lots of people here are very well educated even if they didn't go to college and have read a lot of "spiritual" "theological" material. It makes for some interesting conversations.
I hope to have more details to blog the next couple of days... a few friends and I are going hiking to Glacier point... its a four mile trail, but really its almost five. Luckily we can take the shuttle back down to the valley.
My birthday was really fun, though I missed family and friends. Thanks to all of you who called me or left messages. I'm sorry if I haven't called back, when I actually do get time, its usually 11:00 my time, 1:00 am your time. I"m sure many of you would not appreciate that. I felt very loved, yesterday though. My friend who works in the coffee shop gave me free breakfast, and some other friends bought me lunch. there were several other birthday surprises during the day, and last night after I got off of work, we went to Yosemite falls to see a moonbow. NOw this is something I've never heard of since before I came here so I"ll explain a little...
Moon bow is when the full moon rises and reflects off the spray of a waterfall. It creates a white arc, similar to a rainbow, but without the colors. Its really beautiful to watch and if you watch it awhile(as we did) the moonbow will go away and then come back depending on how much the wind is blowing and how much water spray the waterfall is creating. It was really beautiful and I cannot imagine what it looks like when its in full force. We only got to see a small one because the bigger ones do not appear until early morning, and I was not willing to stay up that late. So.. maybe next month we can all camp out under the starts and wait for the moonbow. It was a good birthday present. WE also went to the meadow Monday night and loked at the stars and today we went to the Devil's bathtub. Its a pool of water on the mountain side which is heated by the sun. It was really small this year, but it started raining when we were climbing up, and we could see the rain blowing across the valley. We were higher than the trees! and The rain smelled so good !I wish I could have taken a picture but pictures can never capture the true beauty here... its too bad, you'll just have to come here yourself and visit me...:)
I've had little time to develop new relationships except for at work( which is fun and I love all the people there) so I'm just working on existing ones. We invited several friends to the moonbow, and some people are able to guess that we are from crossway(I'm not sure if this is good orbad?) I'm all for standing up for what you believe in, but I"m not sure if its a good idea to overwhelm people with a huge group of people who all believe in the same thing. It could be intimidating, and its a good way to turn people away. So we usually do not tell people who we are with or what we believe in unless they ask. Its pretty easy to get on the topic, though. Lots of people here are very well educated even if they didn't go to college and have read a lot of "spiritual" "theological" material. It makes for some interesting conversations.
I hope to have more details to blog the next couple of days... a few friends and I are going hiking to Glacier point... its a four mile trail, but really its almost five. Luckily we can take the shuttle back down to the valley.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
new address and a little history
I had some time to kill this morning and so I spent a couple of hours acting like a tourist. I went to the Ansel Adams gallery and the visitors center and an indian village. While at the Indian village I found out what YOsemite and Ahwahnee mean... I know you have just been dying to know... :) Ahwahnee, which is the name of the hotel where I am going to work means "large mouth", the Indian tribe that used to live in the valley named it that because of the deep V shaped crevice that makes up the valley. The INdians called themselves ahwahneechi, which means "people of the Ahwahnee". Now the other Indians who lived in the Northern part of the Sierras called these Indians Yosemite which means... pause for dramatic effect... "some of them are killers" How's that for a name... its hard to think there was ever much violence going on here.
If any of you ever get a chance to look up JOhn Muir on google or something, you should. He's one of the people who have worked hard to preserve the park and he is also the founder of the Sierra Club. There's a trail here that 's named after him that is more than 300 miles long.... wow, don't think I'll be doing that any time soon.
I did get a post office box here in the park, so all you do is add
Callie Pool
P.O.Box 1097
Yosemite, CA ( and then the zip code which I have posted on a previous post)
I should be able to recieve mail there, if not, it just goes to general delivery and I"ll still receive it.
Welll I'm glad I could enlighten you on the history of the park... actually it just shows how seriously ready I am to be working...
If any of you ever get a chance to look up JOhn Muir on google or something, you should. He's one of the people who have worked hard to preserve the park and he is also the founder of the Sierra Club. There's a trail here that 's named after him that is more than 300 miles long.... wow, don't think I'll be doing that any time soon.
I did get a post office box here in the park, so all you do is add
Callie Pool
P.O.Box 1097
Yosemite, CA ( and then the zip code which I have posted on a previous post)
I should be able to recieve mail there, if not, it just goes to general delivery and I"ll still receive it.
Welll I'm glad I could enlighten you on the history of the park... actually it just shows how seriously ready I am to be working...
Saturday, May 26, 2007
love and books
Well I've just been kinda relaxing the last couple of days. I thought I would get really homesick with all this freetime, and don't think that I haven't, but I have found things to do... especially hanging out with my new friends. Yesterday a bunch of us ran some errands in Yosemite village and ate lunch at the grill. We came back and I took a nap( geez I have been so exhausted lately!) and later that night a bunch of us cooked omelet in a really tiny kitchen. it was fun though, even though our omelets didn't turn out quite as good as we would have liked:) Today I woke up and intended to hike the four mile trail up to Glacier point with my friend Lisa, but we got lost and ended up hiking these bike trails for about two hours. It was still pretty though, and we walked through this green meadow and across the swinging bridge. (Good place for fishing, shawn..)We eventually made it back to curry village where i live and picked up a few more friends for lunch at a deli. I took another nap and a friend and I just made it back from going into Oakhurst, (about a two hour drive from the valley.)It was fun to get away for a while.
so I've decided i'm the dirty kid that nobody wants to be around. I haven't taken a shower in three days and I love it! Its kind of dusty here so i have all this black dust on my feet in rings from my sandals.... haha just wanted to give ya'll a visual...Maybe I'll take a shower tonight
So something cool... I 've been praying asking for real conversation and opportunities for me to share truth with others. I met this girl Lisa yesterday and she's working in the Ahwahnee gift shop with me. We hiked together today and I found out a lot about her life and it turns out that she is hoping this summer to find out what she really believes in spiritually. she was raised seventh day adventist and then presbyterian and went to a private christian school. Bu she said she just wants to know what she believes outside of her upbringing. we've gotten a few chances to talk about it and we hope to read the book Blue Like Jazz by donald Miller together and talk about it some. We also want to kind of start a discssion group when her sister comes in a few days... Wow God is so faithful in answering prayers... it has blown me away with how quick he answers. Maybe I just hae a lot more time to look for those answers... Please be in prayer for my conversations! love...
so I've decided i'm the dirty kid that nobody wants to be around. I haven't taken a shower in three days and I love it! Its kind of dusty here so i have all this black dust on my feet in rings from my sandals.... haha just wanted to give ya'll a visual...Maybe I'll take a shower tonight
So something cool... I 've been praying asking for real conversation and opportunities for me to share truth with others. I met this girl Lisa yesterday and she's working in the Ahwahnee gift shop with me. We hiked together today and I found out a lot about her life and it turns out that she is hoping this summer to find out what she really believes in spiritually. she was raised seventh day adventist and then presbyterian and went to a private christian school. Bu she said she just wants to know what she believes outside of her upbringing. we've gotten a few chances to talk about it and we hope to read the book Blue Like Jazz by donald Miller together and talk about it some. We also want to kind of start a discssion group when her sister comes in a few days... Wow God is so faithful in answering prayers... it has blown me away with how quick he answers. Maybe I just hae a lot more time to look for those answers... Please be in prayer for my conversations! love...
Friday, May 25, 2007
livin life
My heart hurts for one of my newfound friends right now!
The first night I was in the valley, I wasn't sleepy, so my roommate and I sat outside talking on the steps. Before I knew it two people who live nearby came up to me and introduced themselves, one was Ephraim(or E as he likes to be called)from Merced, CA and Bridget from Florida who I hung out with today and she is really nice. They had just met me but already were asking me to hang out with them. We decided to go to the meadow, where a bunch of hippies sit under the stars and play guitars and stuff on this little boardwalk that runs through the meadow. We never made it there, but I hung out with them for a couple of hours.
I really liked "E"; he was really nice and seemed really intrigued with my name, (actually a lot of people are... I guess they think a girl who is working in Cali whose name is Callie is funny...). Today I found out that he lost his job, and I"m so sad that he is leaving the valley. He was really nice and one of the first friends that I made here. HOpefully he can come back and visit.
That's just one picture of how real people are here. Even though my employee housing area is known as "party central" of the valley, and people are usually intoxicated along with various other things... they are real. They aren't just drunks or hippies or druggies... real people with real problems who I have come to love really fast. I laid in my bed last night thanking God of letting me make friends so fast. Now, a note to those who may be concerned that I am living in "party central": The only problem with living here is that it is loud at night. Its perfectly easy to avoid drugs and alcohol. Even if people offer them to you, they don't care if you refuse and most of them don't even ask why. They just let you be you and go on with thier lives. I like that a lot. So... I'm safe and I don't feel threatened at all... except when people steal my food in the kitchen, haha:)
So I've been chewing on this Jesus phrase for a while. "I desire mercy, not sacrifice." What does this mean? I guess I can gather the surface meaning...God desires us to love him and love other people rather than doing things for him...I mean "works" is part of the equation, but love and mercy is much more. I think this mercy comes first and then the heart of the person is prepared to do works in a loving way... does that make sense? but I think it means more than that. This phrase has been coming up a lot lately. its found in Hosea 6:6 and also in Matt 12... along with various other places in the NT. I've been asking God to teach me the real meaning of mercy and the meaning of this phrase. And I'm sure he will as I seek him out in this beautiful place.
Yesterday a group of friends and I hiked up to Vernal falls(which means springtime in Latin). Its the lower brother to Nevada Falls which is about fourty five minutes more of a hike than vernal. Vernal is a two mile hike, which sounds easy... but you can try hiking two miles uphill.. its no picnic. I was doing good for awhile until we hit the .5 mile trail of stairs... that was tough and I didn't think I would make it... but we got to the top and it was really beautiful. As soon as I learn how to post pictures on here, I will. bye for now!
The first night I was in the valley, I wasn't sleepy, so my roommate and I sat outside talking on the steps. Before I knew it two people who live nearby came up to me and introduced themselves, one was Ephraim(or E as he likes to be called)from Merced, CA and Bridget from Florida who I hung out with today and she is really nice. They had just met me but already were asking me to hang out with them. We decided to go to the meadow, where a bunch of hippies sit under the stars and play guitars and stuff on this little boardwalk that runs through the meadow. We never made it there, but I hung out with them for a couple of hours.
I really liked "E"; he was really nice and seemed really intrigued with my name, (actually a lot of people are... I guess they think a girl who is working in Cali whose name is Callie is funny...). Today I found out that he lost his job, and I"m so sad that he is leaving the valley. He was really nice and one of the first friends that I made here. HOpefully he can come back and visit.
That's just one picture of how real people are here. Even though my employee housing area is known as "party central" of the valley, and people are usually intoxicated along with various other things... they are real. They aren't just drunks or hippies or druggies... real people with real problems who I have come to love really fast. I laid in my bed last night thanking God of letting me make friends so fast. Now, a note to those who may be concerned that I am living in "party central": The only problem with living here is that it is loud at night. Its perfectly easy to avoid drugs and alcohol. Even if people offer them to you, they don't care if you refuse and most of them don't even ask why. They just let you be you and go on with thier lives. I like that a lot. So... I'm safe and I don't feel threatened at all... except when people steal my food in the kitchen, haha:)
So I've been chewing on this Jesus phrase for a while. "I desire mercy, not sacrifice." What does this mean? I guess I can gather the surface meaning...God desires us to love him and love other people rather than doing things for him...I mean "works" is part of the equation, but love and mercy is much more. I think this mercy comes first and then the heart of the person is prepared to do works in a loving way... does that make sense? but I think it means more than that. This phrase has been coming up a lot lately. its found in Hosea 6:6 and also in Matt 12... along with various other places in the NT. I've been asking God to teach me the real meaning of mercy and the meaning of this phrase. And I'm sure he will as I seek him out in this beautiful place.
Yesterday a group of friends and I hiked up to Vernal falls(which means springtime in Latin). Its the lower brother to Nevada Falls which is about fourty five minutes more of a hike than vernal. Vernal is a two mile hike, which sounds easy... but you can try hiking two miles uphill.. its no picnic. I was doing good for awhile until we hit the .5 mile trail of stairs... that was tough and I didn't think I would make it... but we got to the top and it was really beautiful. As soon as I learn how to post pictures on here, I will. bye for now!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
boystown...
Well... here we are. I"ll have to admit I'm a little stressed right now. But, let me rewind back to Saturday, the day we got into Yosemite.
We arrived in El Portal, which is where Steve lives late afternoon. After that we drove into the valley. It was such a beautiful drive in... there are granite cliffs in all directions and a waterfall just about every few minutes. Pine trees everywhere and beautiful green meadows. gosh, I just can't explain it. You will all have to come see it for yourselves. We ate dinner with some of the tribe members we haven't met, and then went to our campsite in Backpacker's camp. We camped there for four days this week, since Saturday night. We were so exhaused, most of us went to sleep. I wanted to sleep in the straight outdoors, but I was too tired, and the mosquitos are kind of bad. Sunday morning I woke up and we hiked up to this waterfall called hidden falls, none of the tourists, (also called "tourons" but the local people) are supposed to know about it. It was about a four mile hike round trip, the first hike I"ve done in awhile. Once we crossed this bridge the terrain started getting rockier and we hiked up and up until we could see the falls. They were so close you could feel the water droplets on your arms. I was content just to sit and take in the beauty, but little did I know that my journey was not yet over. I looked up and there was this rope hanging down from this steep faced rock. "We're going up there" one of my friends said... oh boy, but I"m always up for a challenge, so I grabbed the rope and pulled my way to the top. Once at the top of the falls, the view was beautiful...man it was great. I think the worst thing about that day was coming down the rope on the steep rock face... especially since the spray from the waterfall had gotten some of the granite wet, nothing's scarier than wet granite. We spent some time in the valley that day and that night we did something really cool.
Steve has all these secret plans for us sometimes, we have done some really cool things during orientation. After dinner that night we had a little worship service and annointing of our new members that we not annointed at Discovery weekend. At first I thought this practice was a little wierd, but its really encouraging to have someone praying over you. After that there was this big secret thing that we were going to do, but only the elders knew about it. WE put on our headlamps, (essentials in the valley but really funny looking) and took off on a night hike. We hiked for a little ways until we got off the trail and all gathered in a circle. Then Steve told us to close our eyes and we were all blindfolded. We were told that we were going on a journey, a hike in the dark blindfolded that was symbolic of the spiritual journey we were going to take this summer and also our friends that we are going to meet. I took the hand of the tribe member next to me and we were led through tiny crevices, boulders, low hanging tree limbs, cliffs and finally roped down into a cave. Once down there we had a little share time and then we were left a lone, our only instructions were to follow little glowsticks that the elders left for us on the path and not to take off our blindfolds until we were told. We sat silently in the darkness for a litle while and when we did take them off, we were amazed at how dark it was. I was allowed to break a small light stick and the light flooded the cave and we saw what we had climbed down blinded, in the dark. Zach led us in a few worship songs and it was really spinetingling to hear our voices harmonize together and bounce off the cave walls. As we made our way out of the cave together, I was amazed at how much I trusted the people who were leading me. (EAch of the elders took turns leading us through the hike) If I had been asked to do that in the dark with my eyes open alone, I don't know if I could have done it, but there was something about trusting the person leading you and knowing that they were not going to let you fall. It was also cool to see the symbolism of the dark path to our own spiritual journeys. That was a really neat night. The next day we got up and drove up to sentinel dome, this huge rock dome ontop of a very high point. It was so windy and you could see the mountain tops and waterfalls in all directions. We also drove up to Glacier point which is right above the valley( okay well 10,000 feet up). That night we ate at Steve's house in El Portal. The next day I was really excited about because we had heard that we were going rock climbing! I haven't climbed very much, but like I said I'm always up for a thrill, so this was really exciting to me. WE drove up to the high country for about an hour. This is high in the Sierras, so there was still a lot of snow on the ground and it was really cold! I didn't know how i was going to climb rock in the wind...and I was kinda nervous. Once Steve, Ethan and Amber and Paul( a rock climber on our team) got the ropes set up, we suited up in our rock climbing gear( harnesses and shoes) and watched as other team members climbed up. The thing about rock climbing is that you are in this harness and you are held up by this rope which people are securing down below, but you have to put your feet on the rock with no foot holds and no hand holds and expect to be able to scale it. I definately made it( I wouldn't let my stubborn self not make it to the top) but there was one point where I had to climb over this ledge and I was not so sure I could do it. But the the encouragement of the team, I made it to the top and scaled another face shortly after. ITs hard work getting to the top but the adrenaline rush you feel is really worth it. ( And the view when you get to the top) I really want to look in to getting better at this sport.
Last night we spent the night at Steve's ( we had enough of camping and all the rules you have to follow to keep the bears out of your camp) and this morning we reported to Human resources and got our jobs. I already knew I was working at the Ahwahnee, but we had to get fitted for uniforms, which are really ugly green and tan with high waists and flooding( yikes!) pants. I had a pretty funny encounter while getting fitted... if you really want to know I'll tell you over the phone:)Ah me, my big mouth got me in trouble once again!
To finish what I started though, today has been stressfull for several reasons. For one, we have just spent about a week hanging out, destressing, getting to know our tribe members and doing whatever we want for about a week. Today we were turned lose to get our jobs all straightened out and get housing set up. I felt like a little lost kid... it just helps to have someone hold your hand sometimes. The tents are what I expected but not really what I wanted...First I was put in a wasp infested tent that was right by the basketball courts, but that wasn't going to work, so fortunately, we got the housing guy to change it. I"ll just have to get used to interesting neighbors and I"m sure I will and I got my roommate,who is nice, but I"ll just have to be brave and try to get to know her really fast. Her name is Leslie. Most of the tribe is living in Boystown, a name of the employee housing here.(Hence the name of the blog and the beginning of my stressing out today) I guess I'm just really overwhelmed by all the craziness and knowing that I am about to get face smacked by all this stuff that goes on in the valley. There is a little insecurity too knowing that we are "ministering" to people but subtley. I mean we talk about Jesus like we normally would but sometimes we have to be careful about what we say or word things a little differently because people do not know the "Christianese" or "spiritual lingo" that I am so acquainted with. I am glad though because this makes Christ more real and more accessible. So... just be praying for adjustment to the valley and for my insecurities not to get in the way of my free living for Christ out here. I think tonight I"ll go sit in the meadow underneath a giant rock face and look at the starts... how's that for a little stress relief? I really am glad to be here, it will just take some getting used to... real life begins!
We arrived in El Portal, which is where Steve lives late afternoon. After that we drove into the valley. It was such a beautiful drive in... there are granite cliffs in all directions and a waterfall just about every few minutes. Pine trees everywhere and beautiful green meadows. gosh, I just can't explain it. You will all have to come see it for yourselves. We ate dinner with some of the tribe members we haven't met, and then went to our campsite in Backpacker's camp. We camped there for four days this week, since Saturday night. We were so exhaused, most of us went to sleep. I wanted to sleep in the straight outdoors, but I was too tired, and the mosquitos are kind of bad. Sunday morning I woke up and we hiked up to this waterfall called hidden falls, none of the tourists, (also called "tourons" but the local people) are supposed to know about it. It was about a four mile hike round trip, the first hike I"ve done in awhile. Once we crossed this bridge the terrain started getting rockier and we hiked up and up until we could see the falls. They were so close you could feel the water droplets on your arms. I was content just to sit and take in the beauty, but little did I know that my journey was not yet over. I looked up and there was this rope hanging down from this steep faced rock. "We're going up there" one of my friends said... oh boy, but I"m always up for a challenge, so I grabbed the rope and pulled my way to the top. Once at the top of the falls, the view was beautiful...man it was great. I think the worst thing about that day was coming down the rope on the steep rock face... especially since the spray from the waterfall had gotten some of the granite wet, nothing's scarier than wet granite. We spent some time in the valley that day and that night we did something really cool.
Steve has all these secret plans for us sometimes, we have done some really cool things during orientation. After dinner that night we had a little worship service and annointing of our new members that we not annointed at Discovery weekend. At first I thought this practice was a little wierd, but its really encouraging to have someone praying over you. After that there was this big secret thing that we were going to do, but only the elders knew about it. WE put on our headlamps, (essentials in the valley but really funny looking) and took off on a night hike. We hiked for a little ways until we got off the trail and all gathered in a circle. Then Steve told us to close our eyes and we were all blindfolded. We were told that we were going on a journey, a hike in the dark blindfolded that was symbolic of the spiritual journey we were going to take this summer and also our friends that we are going to meet. I took the hand of the tribe member next to me and we were led through tiny crevices, boulders, low hanging tree limbs, cliffs and finally roped down into a cave. Once down there we had a little share time and then we were left a lone, our only instructions were to follow little glowsticks that the elders left for us on the path and not to take off our blindfolds until we were told. We sat silently in the darkness for a litle while and when we did take them off, we were amazed at how dark it was. I was allowed to break a small light stick and the light flooded the cave and we saw what we had climbed down blinded, in the dark. Zach led us in a few worship songs and it was really spinetingling to hear our voices harmonize together and bounce off the cave walls. As we made our way out of the cave together, I was amazed at how much I trusted the people who were leading me. (EAch of the elders took turns leading us through the hike) If I had been asked to do that in the dark with my eyes open alone, I don't know if I could have done it, but there was something about trusting the person leading you and knowing that they were not going to let you fall. It was also cool to see the symbolism of the dark path to our own spiritual journeys. That was a really neat night. The next day we got up and drove up to sentinel dome, this huge rock dome ontop of a very high point. It was so windy and you could see the mountain tops and waterfalls in all directions. We also drove up to Glacier point which is right above the valley( okay well 10,000 feet up). That night we ate at Steve's house in El Portal. The next day I was really excited about because we had heard that we were going rock climbing! I haven't climbed very much, but like I said I'm always up for a thrill, so this was really exciting to me. WE drove up to the high country for about an hour. This is high in the Sierras, so there was still a lot of snow on the ground and it was really cold! I didn't know how i was going to climb rock in the wind...and I was kinda nervous. Once Steve, Ethan and Amber and Paul( a rock climber on our team) got the ropes set up, we suited up in our rock climbing gear( harnesses and shoes) and watched as other team members climbed up. The thing about rock climbing is that you are in this harness and you are held up by this rope which people are securing down below, but you have to put your feet on the rock with no foot holds and no hand holds and expect to be able to scale it. I definately made it( I wouldn't let my stubborn self not make it to the top) but there was one point where I had to climb over this ledge and I was not so sure I could do it. But the the encouragement of the team, I made it to the top and scaled another face shortly after. ITs hard work getting to the top but the adrenaline rush you feel is really worth it. ( And the view when you get to the top) I really want to look in to getting better at this sport.
Last night we spent the night at Steve's ( we had enough of camping and all the rules you have to follow to keep the bears out of your camp) and this morning we reported to Human resources and got our jobs. I already knew I was working at the Ahwahnee, but we had to get fitted for uniforms, which are really ugly green and tan with high waists and flooding( yikes!) pants. I had a pretty funny encounter while getting fitted... if you really want to know I'll tell you over the phone:)Ah me, my big mouth got me in trouble once again!
To finish what I started though, today has been stressfull for several reasons. For one, we have just spent about a week hanging out, destressing, getting to know our tribe members and doing whatever we want for about a week. Today we were turned lose to get our jobs all straightened out and get housing set up. I felt like a little lost kid... it just helps to have someone hold your hand sometimes. The tents are what I expected but not really what I wanted...First I was put in a wasp infested tent that was right by the basketball courts, but that wasn't going to work, so fortunately, we got the housing guy to change it. I"ll just have to get used to interesting neighbors and I"m sure I will and I got my roommate,who is nice, but I"ll just have to be brave and try to get to know her really fast. Her name is Leslie. Most of the tribe is living in Boystown, a name of the employee housing here.(Hence the name of the blog and the beginning of my stressing out today) I guess I'm just really overwhelmed by all the craziness and knowing that I am about to get face smacked by all this stuff that goes on in the valley. There is a little insecurity too knowing that we are "ministering" to people but subtley. I mean we talk about Jesus like we normally would but sometimes we have to be careful about what we say or word things a little differently because people do not know the "Christianese" or "spiritual lingo" that I am so acquainted with. I am glad though because this makes Christ more real and more accessible. So... just be praying for adjustment to the valley and for my insecurities not to get in the way of my free living for Christ out here. I think tonight I"ll go sit in the meadow underneath a giant rock face and look at the starts... how's that for a little stress relief? I really am glad to be here, it will just take some getting used to... real life begins!
Friday, May 18, 2007
painted deserts? not so pretty
So I'm enjoying this road trip with friends who share my liking of indie music and Garden State. We stayed at a cabin last night, like I mentioned which was at 8000ft. elevation. No wonder I was winded! I just thought I was out of shape. The cabin had no running water or electricity. It was awesome though because I got to try out my sleeping bag for the first time for real. It was really warm which was good because the temperature got down to at least thirty. And... I didn't know that the sun rose at like five oclock in the morning, so I got up to watch the sunrise at about four thirty. Its been awhile since I was up that early. Later we drove into the Grand Canyon which was awesome by the way... no words can describe it. I felt like I needed to be quiet, but I really wanted to yell and hear my voice echo in the canyon. It was so so big and so so deep. We hiked a little way down but we needed to get to Southern California by tonight so we didn't go far. I'd like to go back though... and get a hot air balloon ride in Sedona...
I didn't know how thirsty I was for Christian community and companionship. I have felt so energized and encouraged by this group and its really great.
We've gone through so many elevation changes and temperature changes and scenery changes this trip... but we have gone halfway across the country so that's to be expected, i guess. New Mexico was definately prettier than arizona. We got a little stir crazy today in the car because all we saw was dirt and small shrubs and wind and jagged hills for about 300 miles. It was a little rough. But hey we made it ok and we're all sane still... I think. We've averaged about eight hours a day.. but I don't feel that tired because we've switched drivers a lot. Although we did go through the Mojave desert. I can check that off my list because I probably will never go back there. Hot and windy and sandy.
We stopped at In and Out burger for lunch, and its weird to me because I'm craving spinach and tomatoes and stuff that I don't even like! That just means I'm serious deprived for veggies and real food. But Kelly said we could stop at a fruit stand tomorrow on the way into the valley so maybe I'll get my fix.
We stopped for dinner and starbucks(yay! ) around six and then continued on into the desert. The sun was setting over the desert( this was the first day we've driven at night) so we decided to stop on this random dirt road in the middle of the desert, drive up this sandy hill and get blown away by wind while we waved to the truckers on this ridge. Oh yeah, our main intent was to watch the sunset, which we did do... just got distracted by trying to attract the attention of the truckers below the ridge. Once we accomplished that, we stood on the side and yelled into the "infinite abyss" (garden state anyone?) ok it was a ridge with an interstate about 100 feet below but it was still cool.
So we've been talking of nicknames for all the tribe members and I've been dubbed squints(?) thanks shawn, or socal... I'm not sure... its hard for them to think of names for me... but we've named all the other members. Examples being woodsie, k.rae, Paulo, mom and specka bekah... this is neat.
Well I'm getting really tired and hot, we've crammed the six of us into a hotel room to save money so here we are, this should be interesting...
I'd like to make a shout out to all my friends and family... I miss and love you all. (nana it was good to hear your voice today)
Love....
I didn't know how thirsty I was for Christian community and companionship. I have felt so energized and encouraged by this group and its really great.
We've gone through so many elevation changes and temperature changes and scenery changes this trip... but we have gone halfway across the country so that's to be expected, i guess. New Mexico was definately prettier than arizona. We got a little stir crazy today in the car because all we saw was dirt and small shrubs and wind and jagged hills for about 300 miles. It was a little rough. But hey we made it ok and we're all sane still... I think. We've averaged about eight hours a day.. but I don't feel that tired because we've switched drivers a lot. Although we did go through the Mojave desert. I can check that off my list because I probably will never go back there. Hot and windy and sandy.
We stopped at In and Out burger for lunch, and its weird to me because I'm craving spinach and tomatoes and stuff that I don't even like! That just means I'm serious deprived for veggies and real food. But Kelly said we could stop at a fruit stand tomorrow on the way into the valley so maybe I'll get my fix.
We stopped for dinner and starbucks(yay! ) around six and then continued on into the desert. The sun was setting over the desert( this was the first day we've driven at night) so we decided to stop on this random dirt road in the middle of the desert, drive up this sandy hill and get blown away by wind while we waved to the truckers on this ridge. Oh yeah, our main intent was to watch the sunset, which we did do... just got distracted by trying to attract the attention of the truckers below the ridge. Once we accomplished that, we stood on the side and yelled into the "infinite abyss" (garden state anyone?) ok it was a ridge with an interstate about 100 feet below but it was still cool.
So we've been talking of nicknames for all the tribe members and I've been dubbed squints(?) thanks shawn, or socal... I'm not sure... its hard for them to think of names for me... but we've named all the other members. Examples being woodsie, k.rae, Paulo, mom and specka bekah... this is neat.
Well I'm getting really tired and hot, we've crammed the six of us into a hotel room to save money so here we are, this should be interesting...
I'd like to make a shout out to all my friends and family... I miss and love you all. (nana it was good to hear your voice today)
Love....
first and second day
It still feels like we’re on vacation, but it’s starting to feel a little more real now. Yesterday was really fun. We drove for a total of 11 hours through all of Texas and half of New Mexico. We had fun though, and stopped in Amarillo at Cadillac Ranch and took some really great pictures. Maybe we can post some of those later. The scenery was beautiful. It started out flat with these fields that stretched out forever. When we got out of Amarillo we started seeing a few Mesas on the horizon, and as we got closer to Albuquerque, where we spent the night, it was more and more beautiful. The mountains surrounded us on all sides and as we drove down a hill into the city a huge mountain rose before us. A storm was starting to blow through the range and it turned them purple. It was so beautiful! The houses were all built into the hillside. Later that night, after we had eaten dinner, we watched the lightning over the city. The air was so fresh…
Today we had a lot of fun. All we had to do was make it to Flagstaff by dark. That was a bout a four hour drive that turned into about a seven hour drive. We got lost a few times and made a lot of stops. Once we stopped at an Indian outpost where they had all these crafts( mainly touristy souveniers). We drove through the petrified wood forest and stopped at the continental divide. There we met a man who was bike riding cross country from California to South Carolina. He was really cool and had hiked and backpacked in a lot of the United states including Alaska. We met another team member, Kelly at her cabin near Flagstaff. We ate dinner and took a hike through the Aspens later that night. I haven’t had a shower in a few days or worn makeup or changed my clothes. Its amazing! I feel so free and so like myself. As I get farther and father away from my hometown, I feel the burdens of the past couple of semester lift off my shoulders and fly out the car window. I can really be myself with this group, and we’ve laughed a lot today. Its really good and everyone is really chilled out. There has been no drama, no disagreements, no arguments. We are making good time and really having fun! I can’t wait till we get to Yosemite, we’re so close now, and I’m starting to get really excited. I still have that butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach but it’s the good kind now ☺ Grand Canyon tomorrow!
Today we had a lot of fun. All we had to do was make it to Flagstaff by dark. That was a bout a four hour drive that turned into about a seven hour drive. We got lost a few times and made a lot of stops. Once we stopped at an Indian outpost where they had all these crafts( mainly touristy souveniers). We drove through the petrified wood forest and stopped at the continental divide. There we met a man who was bike riding cross country from California to South Carolina. He was really cool and had hiked and backpacked in a lot of the United states including Alaska. We met another team member, Kelly at her cabin near Flagstaff. We ate dinner and took a hike through the Aspens later that night. I haven’t had a shower in a few days or worn makeup or changed my clothes. Its amazing! I feel so free and so like myself. As I get farther and father away from my hometown, I feel the burdens of the past couple of semester lift off my shoulders and fly out the car window. I can really be myself with this group, and we’ve laughed a lot today. Its really good and everyone is really chilled out. There has been no drama, no disagreements, no arguments. We are making good time and really having fun! I can’t wait till we get to Yosemite, we’re so close now, and I’m starting to get really excited. I still have that butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach but it’s the good kind now ☺ Grand Canyon tomorrow!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
well, I leave for Yosemite in less than twelve hours. Yesterday I was really stressed, but by the time i unpacked and packed again, got a backpack and had some time to think I was better. Today was just a blur... the time seems to move by so fast! I have been waiting for this day to get here for months, its seems that was all I thought about and now its here and every time i think about it my stomach hurts. Its not that I'm really scared or anything, I'm guess its just the unknown. I'll be going to a place i've never seen, to talk to people I've never met and driving four days in a car with people i barely know. I will camp straight outdoors(I've never done that before) and live out of a backpack.
I will miss summer in Nac though. I will miss the gorgeous sunsets, the smell of the air and the slow country porch swing sitting atmosphere i've come to love. I'll miss picking blackberries and blueberries, too. And family! yes I'll miss family too! And shawn!And friends! and... well there are too many things to list.
Here's a shout out to all the people who put up with me this semester. I love you and will miss you more than you know.
Well we're heading out tomorrow at eight a.m. First stop, albuquerque new mexico. First step to an experience of a lifetime.
I will miss summer in Nac though. I will miss the gorgeous sunsets, the smell of the air and the slow country porch swing sitting atmosphere i've come to love. I'll miss picking blackberries and blueberries, too. And family! yes I'll miss family too! And shawn!And friends! and... well there are too many things to list.
Here's a shout out to all the people who put up with me this semester. I love you and will miss you more than you know.
Well we're heading out tomorrow at eight a.m. First stop, albuquerque new mexico. First step to an experience of a lifetime.
Friday, May 11, 2007
new address
Hello everyone!
Here is my address in Yosemite, I think. I'll update the blog if it changes:
Callie Pool
General Delivery
Yosemite, CA 95389
I think I should also throw out a disclaimer here about my blog. I do not claim to know everything; I know some of the things I say here people will disagree with, and I'm o.k. with that. I am just trying to learn about myself and write out my feelings here(this is much easier than keeping up with a journal). So, If my views about theology or whatever or life in general seem questionable to you, throw in a comment...I've got a lot to learn. thanks.
Here is my address in Yosemite, I think. I'll update the blog if it changes:
Callie Pool
General Delivery
Yosemite, CA 95389
I think I should also throw out a disclaimer here about my blog. I do not claim to know everything; I know some of the things I say here people will disagree with, and I'm o.k. with that. I am just trying to learn about myself and write out my feelings here(this is much easier than keeping up with a journal). So, If my views about theology or whatever or life in general seem questionable to you, throw in a comment...I've got a lot to learn. thanks.
Monday, April 30, 2007
questions
Well I should be studying for finals right now, but I can't concentrate for all the questions running around in my head. I guess I could compare them to a bunch of rowdy children. You sit one down and another pops up and runs off. So, I've settled down with a big peanut butter cup blizzard from Dairy Queen to try to wrestle with my mind...here goes...
We all have a need inside of us for something bigger, something higher, something powerful, right? A need to feel purpose, that we're affiliated with something rational and gratifying and fullfilling. I guess some could call it a "hole in our hearts" for God? higher power?
How do we explain what some of the early humans felt? We know they felt something. Was it God? was it the devil? If it was God, why don't we recognize some of these other religions as truth? If God spoke to them, why didn't God give Christianity to them? okay I know there is prophecy and everything happened at the right time, but what did people do before Christianity? What did Native Americans do who were never exposed to Christianity or Judaisim? were they saved? did they go to heaven? And how can you explain little bits of "truth" that is in every religion? Now, don't get me wrong here, I didn't say that every religion was "the truth." To me, those two phrases are very different. I'm just saying that there is evidence of truth in other places than the Bible and at church. Take for example Buddhism and their practice of meditation. Wouldn't it be great if Christians would take that into our daily lives and just slow down a bit and meditate on God? Or what about Native American religions and their striving for peace with nature? Wouldn't that do wonders for pollution and global warming? What about secular music that speaks of truth and love and beauty?
How do you explain to an friend who is not a believer that Christianity came from Judaisim but we don't believe in Judaisim or that Jews are following the real "truth?"
To quote a friend, "our purpose as Christians is not to validate our faith or prove it or to discuss religion, but to show love to people as Christ did." This is what I desire but I can't get past the questions I have about the Bible and the Old Testament. Where do the Jewish and Christian scripture intertwine and how can I tell someone about Christ if I am not even sure of the history of my faith?I just really believe that this background has to come first or at least I have to have some knowledge of it.
Lately everything has just seemed so fake. The prayers, the devotionals, the promises to pray for you. I know some people mean well, but I'm just searching for what's real. I'm so tired of going through the motions...
We all have a need inside of us for something bigger, something higher, something powerful, right? A need to feel purpose, that we're affiliated with something rational and gratifying and fullfilling. I guess some could call it a "hole in our hearts" for God? higher power?
How do we explain what some of the early humans felt? We know they felt something. Was it God? was it the devil? If it was God, why don't we recognize some of these other religions as truth? If God spoke to them, why didn't God give Christianity to them? okay I know there is prophecy and everything happened at the right time, but what did people do before Christianity? What did Native Americans do who were never exposed to Christianity or Judaisim? were they saved? did they go to heaven? And how can you explain little bits of "truth" that is in every religion? Now, don't get me wrong here, I didn't say that every religion was "the truth." To me, those two phrases are very different. I'm just saying that there is evidence of truth in other places than the Bible and at church. Take for example Buddhism and their practice of meditation. Wouldn't it be great if Christians would take that into our daily lives and just slow down a bit and meditate on God? Or what about Native American religions and their striving for peace with nature? Wouldn't that do wonders for pollution and global warming? What about secular music that speaks of truth and love and beauty?
How do you explain to an friend who is not a believer that Christianity came from Judaisim but we don't believe in Judaisim or that Jews are following the real "truth?"
To quote a friend, "our purpose as Christians is not to validate our faith or prove it or to discuss religion, but to show love to people as Christ did." This is what I desire but I can't get past the questions I have about the Bible and the Old Testament. Where do the Jewish and Christian scripture intertwine and how can I tell someone about Christ if I am not even sure of the history of my faith?I just really believe that this background has to come first or at least I have to have some knowledge of it.
Lately everything has just seemed so fake. The prayers, the devotionals, the promises to pray for you. I know some people mean well, but I'm just searching for what's real. I'm so tired of going through the motions...
Sunday, April 22, 2007
conversation?
So... I've had a couple of really frusterating conversation lately with people that are supposed to know everything about me. How can people who say they love me so much really be so opposed to the way I want to live my life and not trust who I am becomming? How do I express what gives me freedom to people who question my every move? who don't see me as an adult who can make her own decisions? Haven't I proven myself?
I guess its my need or want to feel accepted by people. I feel a deep desire sometimes to want to please, to alter myself so others can be happy. So often I feel this is wrong, is this being my true self? I try to explain myself, try to initiate conversations about things that interest me, but to no avail. Everyone seems the happiest when conversations like these are avoided and surface level talk drones on and on... I get so tired of it.
The most freedom I feel is in Christ; in having conversation with people who are not like me; in learning from those who grew up differently from me; and spending time with people who I have grown to love (who most likely are seen by others, including my family) as unloveable and a "bad influence." Isn't this what Jesus did? I am not satisfied by going on week long missions trips where activities and spiritual conversations are expected and planned. I want to live my life seeking out others... other truths, other beliefs, other ways of life and in the process hope to show the truth that is inside of me. I am not content to stay in my little shell of a life where everything is comfortable. Getting outside of ourselves... isn't this where we grow?
I guess its my need or want to feel accepted by people. I feel a deep desire sometimes to want to please, to alter myself so others can be happy. So often I feel this is wrong, is this being my true self? I try to explain myself, try to initiate conversations about things that interest me, but to no avail. Everyone seems the happiest when conversations like these are avoided and surface level talk drones on and on... I get so tired of it.
The most freedom I feel is in Christ; in having conversation with people who are not like me; in learning from those who grew up differently from me; and spending time with people who I have grown to love (who most likely are seen by others, including my family) as unloveable and a "bad influence." Isn't this what Jesus did? I am not satisfied by going on week long missions trips where activities and spiritual conversations are expected and planned. I want to live my life seeking out others... other truths, other beliefs, other ways of life and in the process hope to show the truth that is inside of me. I am not content to stay in my little shell of a life where everything is comfortable. Getting outside of ourselves... isn't this where we grow?
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
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