Not Here

This is what I've figured out today...
1. Four years spent in college and it didn't make me more decisive on what I want to do for a career.I just got really good at studying.
For me, I have to be passionate about what I do. Not just do it for the paycheck. At the end of the day I have to feel like I gave back somehow.
2. I don't like big cities. To visit, yes, but not to live in. I despise smog, suits, crime, getting lost, and traffic just makes me nervous and angry.
And.. I like trees, and going swimming in ponds. And country food. And porch swings.
3. This doesn't feel like home. While I was daydreaming at work today, I envisioned home and I envisoned a house with lots of land. I dreamed of watching the sunset through the trees, going to festivals with friends, decorating for holidays with family. When I thought of home, I thought of Nacogdoches, not here.
4. I'm not as tough or "worldy" as I wanted to be- I thought I could be away from home and not miss it. I thought I could travel the world out of college. I thought I could be a corporate executive and climb the corporate ladder -not spend my time wishing I was somewhere else. I thought I could sell stuff without feeling like I'm giving up a piece of my soul. I thought being married would take the place of needing girlfriends. I thought busyness could take the place of quiet and solitute.

I still have a lot to think about, but i think I'm headed in the right direction.