dissservice

A lot of people have been asking me lately where we will go to church when we move to Austin. Frankly, I just don't know. I can't even imagine a church that will provide the community we need. If it is indeed community that we need and desire. There are so many things that I don't want in a "new" church, if a "church" even constitutes as a building. No small group burger cookouts, bible studies, praise songs, Vacation bible schools. Not that those things are bad, but they just seem so juvenile and insignificant when our whole purpose is to communicate with an almighty God. It feels like we are small children trying to write our doctoral dissertation. We just don't have the words for it. I just feel like I am doing God a disservice sometimes by not being one way or the other. Not totally passionate, but not the opposite either. True, I strive to live out my faith by my actions and not by my words... but I still feel like I have to explain sometimes. Especially if we are to be in a group that discusses theology and such. Someone asked me once if "church" couldn't be befriending someone on the street and living our lives with them. If we claim to see Jesus in people who are not believers, why can't that be so?

I know I want my marriage to be "grounded on faith" whatever that means...it just sounds so childish again, but I'm not sure what that looks like in a non traditional way. Not that I'm trying so hard to push against tradition... I've made my peace with that, I just feel like Christ is a whole other ball game for lack of better words (it really is impossible to write a blog about Him). The life he lived out in the Gospels means more to me than just a bed time story. It's a lifestyle.( I know, cliche again, but I just can't help it... It's ingrained in me) but I don't plan to just live it on Sundays or when I feel like it or when I think I might be being a good example to someone. I know that God is vitally interested in my life, and that he pursues me and communicates with me on a regular basis. That might not look like other people's "quiet times, " but I know he's there and He knows I'm there to talk, so that's okay. We have a "relationship" because I know I've seen evidence of Him in my life (which may be subjective but I don't care) but it just sounds so small and belittling to try to describe a communion with an almighty God as a "relationship" There are not words for it. I promise, I just spent ten minutes trying to think of one. I just hate the fact that people's perceptions of faith and everything are so different that no one can ever agree... and my perception of christ and church and the bible will always be "wrong" to some. I guess it goes both ways, but still...Why did He make it so complicated? Why couldn't we just all believe the same?