Wow. Its amazing how God answers prayers sometimes. I was just praying this morning asking God to give me conversations, (actually it was kind of a selfish prayer, I wanted someone to talk to so I wouldn't feel lonely today on my day off) and he did. It wasn't who I expected to talk to but he sure did answer quickly.
I want to start off my blog with a poem that I wrote last Wednesday. It sums up my feelings over the summer:
"Beautiful Prison"
Entering in,
awe and beauty,
flashing landscapes and
a cumbersome duty,
Beautiful reason
I've called it my own
loving and seeking
I'm giving it all away.
Familiarity
living crudely
mounting tension
behaving rudely
Beautiful prison,
I've made it my own
boxed in reality
I'm wasting it all away.
New day breaking,
Freedom unruly,
Clear eyes awakening,
and living truly,
Beautiful reason,
You've made it more known
living and breathing
I'm taking it in today.
That kind of sums up what I've felt about this summer. Its been a rollercoaster of emotions but God never fails to put my perspective into place.
My prayer for my last couple of weeks here is that I will not become numb or apathetic and just waste time. I know God has things planned for me here.
God has taught me a lot about sharing Christ's love with different kinds of people with different lifestyles lately. I have a few friends here that are really struggling with their sexuality. This is some hard stuff to get into, and I used to just back away from anyone with these kinds of issues, but God is breaking my heart and showing me how to have compassion for them. I have one sister in Christ who has been in that lifestyle before and as she was sharing with me her stuggles and temptations, I couldn't help but be broken hearted and burdened for her. She is one of the ones on the team who has made such and effort to disciple me. She is so strong and lives so freely, you can really tell that Christ has claimed her and she Him. It broke my heart to see her so upset... I can't even pretend to know or understand what she is struggling with, but I know she is searching and hurting for love and truth, just like we all are. I want so much for God to just ban satan from her, but I know he is testing her and making her stronger. It just breaks my heart.
God has also been teaching me about the body of Christ and the church this summer. Like many people my age, I don't really know where I fall into this whole church business. I have seen though, through this summer that a body of believers can come to gether anywhere, and its not just about being nice to one another and having a surface conversation. Its about truth and honesty and love and not being afraid to confront another person. I don't really feel constricted like when God moves across my heart and tells me to do something, I can really do it... and feel like I've accomplished something for HIm. I'm still learning what it all means...but I feel like I've come a long way. My biggest goal is just learning to love people.
I know this has been a spacey post, but I feel like there is so much to say, its just kind of in the back of my head and its not all enunciated and thought out yet. So, I apologize, I just hope some of this makes sense.
peace...
1 comment:
my thoughts on church is that it is made up of humans... who are sinners. but the church is also the body of Christ. Church will never be perfect no matter where you go or how long you search. trust me, i have gone through that "frustrated with church" thing too. to me, though, its worth it to stick it out through those frustrations and find those who are actually genuine and there for the right reasons and learn from them and just have patience and pray for those who are two-faced, confused, and lost. thats my take on it at least.
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