Real Life's for the Birds

This week was pretty hard. I told Shawn the other day that I keep having a hard time with "being an adult." I think I have a pretty good sense usually of what people are like when I meet them, but lately, people have been fooling me, and it doesn't feel so good.

Maybe I'm just trying to do too much. I've enrolled in a doctoral program where I can have my doctorate in about four years, and I'm taking a full load each semester with a plan to move on in life and try out some cities other than Nac. That, combined with a full time job gets pretty overwhelming and I get frustrated because I can't devote the same time and energy into my classes now that I did in undergrad. And I certainly need to devote more time now!

What the professors expect from their students is different in grad school, too. I am expected to participate in research outside of class, and present at national conferences. I am expected to get articles published so I can extend my vitae (or resume in other words). When do I have time for this? No one told me the rules!!!

In addition, it saddens me that the school environment these days is full of politics and games. You have to watch what you say where ever you go. School's all about data, and sometimes the students (and teachers) get left behind. Administrators are worried about how much they can get out of teachers. To them, it seems, teachers are disposable, like batteries. They can be replaced with newer ones the next year. This results in burn-out for the teachers, and little time for teaching students about real life. I know the education system needs some help in order to keep up with other countries, but geez!

In other news, only two weeks until a week off for Thanksgiving, woo hoo! I've never had a week off for Thanksgiving before, and I'm skipping my grad classes and going camping! Can't wait; it will be a much deserved break and time away from school to focus on family. :)

School News and Funnies

Tomorrow we are taking the 8th graders on a field trip to SFA. I am excited to get to spend some time with them outside the classroom and show them around SFA! I know it will be a long day, but I am glad the weather is so nice, and that we'll get to spend the entire day outside. Whew! It's brutal to be inside all day with no windows when fall is approaching!

Now for the funnies...the kids just love to ask Shawn and me questions about our relationship. They want to know when we got married, if we both went to SFA, etc. I think one day a couple of weeks ago (as I am constantly trying to make real life connections to the vocabulary we are learning in class!) Shawn and I both shared with our classes that I am the clean one, and he the messy one. Shawn said that he liked to eat in bed, but I did not like it... so he confessed to his class... he does it when I'm not home! Of course, the kids immediately reported back to me what he had said. It is hilarious that they keep bringing it up. Like today, when we were going over the prefix co in Coexist (which means to live peacefully together) one student asked if Shawn and I coexisted... I wasn't sure his intention behind the question...(and would you, if asked this by an 8th grader?) and immediately got embarrassed and awkward. So I tried to explain it away. "uh, yes, we do live together in the same house," I said. "Yeah," he countered, "but do you live peacfully?" Which was immediately answered by another student in the class... "NO! He still eats chips in bed!" Of course, then, the whole class erupted into laughter.
The same class period, the same student, who pronounced leopard, lee o pard the day before, asked me what I meant when I called a character in the book we were disucssing flexible. He was flipping through the pages frantically trying to find where it had said that. I didn't figure out until a few minutes later that he actually thought I meant that the character was literally flexible, like could do the splits. Oh my, they are soooo literal!
The day before that, I had my last class act out the acronym FANBOYS (the coordinating conjunctions) which stands for for, and, nor, but, or, yet, and so. Of my seven volunteers, each one had to make one of the letters with their bodies when their "fanboy" was called. It was hilarious seeing them try to twist themselves into those ridiculous poses. Quite the highlight of the day. Hey, teachers can have fun, too.

Good stuff

Yesterday, I had a few of my 8th graders read to the PreK four class. Actually, it wasn't my idea, but I was happy to go along with it, especially since that class is the rowdiest, and the largest. I was a little apprehensive since two of the three that volunteered are kids with a history of problems in schools. I knew I couldn't be in all three classrooms watching them at once, so I wasn't quite sure how it was going to work out. Turns out... they were great! They were actually pros at it; pointing to the pictures, reading slowly, asking questions, using voices for the characters... wonderful! I was so proud of them I nearly cried. Some of these kids were so unsuccessful in class, failing grades, etc, but here they stood out. I was so excited for them and can't wait until next week when another group of three will read again! This is the best idea! Thanks to Mrs. Harrison for coming up with it!

Test anxiety

So... Friday was kind of a down day for me. I hadn't cried yet at school this year (major achievement!) until yesterday. I graded all my Reading Strategies tests on Thursday night (65 of them). So I was super tired. Added to that, I'm really extremely bad at math, so adding and multiplying for about 3 hours made my brain hurt even more. Upon arriving at school at 7 on Friday morning, I realized that I had graded them wrong. Uh. There was no way I was going to get all of them re graded and entered in the gradebook again before classes started for me at 9:40. Thankfully, Shawn and another math teacher offered to help. Thank God! It was embarrassing to admit that I made that easy mistake, but at least they didn't laugh at me about it. Everyone has their strong points, and math is not mine.

To add to that, it was a Friday which must automatically mean in the middle school brain: FREAK OUT!!! I don't know if that is a middle school rule, but they sure do all freak out on a Friday.

After posting my test data breakdown (ugh, more math) I realized that I had 23 kids out of 65 fail. That's about one third (I think). Boo. I think I need to change things up a little, both in my classroom and the layout of the tests. I figured they could do open ended questions, but I guess not.

It just makes me feel really unsuccessfull when they score like that. I know it's my first test, but I gave them a review, they highlighted notes that they took in class, and some of them still didn't study (even after I harped on it for about a week prior to the test), and a lot of them failed. The amount of "not caring" is astounding. How can I make it real to them? They think college and jobs are so far away, but they're really not.

Week two ends with a holiday!

Well... this was the week of faux pas and sad stories.

One day this week, as I attempted to draw a story map, (looks like a skinny mountain), I asked my class what it reminded them of in nature. Well, immediately they started snickering. Undaunted, and for emphasis, I circled the introduction on the bottom left hand side, the conclusion on the right hand side, and the climax (yikes!) on the top. You can imagine their reaction, as I had quickly made a bad situation worse. Now I had a very accurate picture of the male anatomy on my board. I was verrry embarrassed, but pretended to not notice by erasing it quickly with my hand. I don't think I'm very subtle.

Another time this week, I was trying to convince my honors class to be creative with the story they were writing. They always ask me, "Is this right?" " "Is this OK?" So I announced, loudly and with flourish, "It's your baby! You create it!" Ohhhh boy. You can imagine the laughs with that one. Luckily it was my honors class, so they are a little bit more respectful, but if it had been my other classes, I would have never heard the end of it. They probably would have asked me where babies come from, just for spite. I made a mental note not to say that one again.

For the sad stories, there are so many kids that just have such bad home lives. It just makes me so sad. I caught one kid smoking in the bathroom this week, and later this month, he will leave to go to live in a foster home (not because of that incident, but because of other family issues). Another girl told me she had been up all night at the hospital with her mom who ran out of her anxiety and depression meds, so they had to take her to the ER. There are rumors flying around that a 7th grader is pregnant. Another boy showed me his wrists where he had cut himself with scissors the night before. There are countless other stories, but it makes me just want to give them all a hug and tell them it's going to be allright.

The good news is... it's a three day weekend! I looove that! I'm going to cook, have picnics outside, shop a little and swim. It's amazing how much less stressful the week is minus one day at work. Happy Labor Day!

Week one down... without any bloodshed :)

Week one at the jr. high went well. They are little toots sometimes, but mostly full of funny comments that keep me giggling!One of the boys asked me if I was "packing" on Friday. Sounds suggestive, but I think he was just wondering if I had a gun.

The worst part is how easily discouraged they are. Very few of them think they're smart, and it is hard to keep them motivated. When we filled in a personal crest (they had to color it and answer questions about themselves) one of the questions was "What is one thing you're good at?" Many of them asked me for help because they couldn't think of anything. Seriously? You can't think of one thing that you do well? It's sad, but I think most of it stems from a lack of self-confidence. And I remember that feeling very well.

Next week I'm starting college classes for my fast-tracked doctorate plan. I'm taking 9 hours of master's level college classes!!!!! It will probably kick me in the tail, but I'm looking forward to it.

Day one

The first day of 8th grade all over again! I was nervous, but felt more prepared than I did last year. After the first few minutes of my first class, I calmed down a little. But 8 hours on your feet it tough! We didn't get any planning periods yesterday.

I had some funny stuff happen... like kids showing me drawings of Odie and Sonic the hedgehog. I think I laughed inwardly all day (when I wasn't screaming inwardly) because they are all so wonderfully awkward. I love it.

I work in a rural part of the community so there are lots of good 'ole boys and girls. Yesterday, when we were talking about places we'd one day like to visit, one of the kids in the back raised his hand and, me, expecting him to ask how to spell a certain country, asked him what he needed. He said..."Mrs. Berry, how do you spell bayou?" I giggled, but obliged and wrote his word on the board. Oh boy. We've got some culture to inject into these kids... but at least they're honest. :)

Ready or not...

Ahhh! School starts in 5 days! It's been a mix of emotions while getting ready for this new middle school adventure. I'm making the jump from 4th grade to 8th grade English, but I think it was a much needed change. People keep telling me horror stories about middle school kids (P.S. why do people feel the need to tell horrific stories when someone is starting a new adventure in their life?) but I hope I can be a mature, flexible, quick on my feet enough person to cope. I remember last year that I was extremely stressed out... as in I was so in the dark about planning that I would get to school at 6:30 and not leave until 7:00 PM!!! I think this year will be better... at least I know what to expect out of my curriculum, my principal and, and my self.

Added into the mix is me starting a doctoral program at SFA. That means three classes on Monday and Tuesday. I guess I will have to be prepared, and prepared early to deal with middle school kids and college level material. Whew!

Tonight we have meet the parents, and I think it will be fun. I am anxious to see the kids that I will have in my class. In the midst of all the scary stories, I have to keep reminding myself... "They're just kids, Callie, just kids. "

Revelations

Shawn's been out of town for over a week, leaving me here to recover from surgery, and spend some time to myself. Well, I've spent plenty of time by myself, enough to last me for a good six months or so. But, in doing so, I've noticed some things that I really haven't had time to process. In the wake of such a crazy life, becoming a full-fledged adult, I've had little time to think and dwell about life in general.

Here are some things I've learned about myself this week:
Regarding church:
1) I have a problem with male leadership in churches, which may be the cause of me being reluctant to head back to church. There have been 5 or 6 male members of the church or a church body that I feel have let me down...that's not to say that I'm an extreme feminist or think that the church should only be governed by females, I just have a problem trusting male authority now, especially in churches. It seems that most (not all) or at least the ones I've come in contact with are very patriarchal, and feel that a woman's place is to watch the children or bake the best dessert. This is especially true for a minister's wife. When Shawn and I were at a church working together one time, I felt especially disappointed. One, I felt insecure because we were working together, but not married. Two, I felt insecure because our personalities are so different and I had yet to figure my self out in relationship to Shawn. Three, the men and women in that church had such divided roles... I felt that no one ever expected me to have my own thoughts and opinions, and if I voiced those... it was looked down upon.

2)I realize this was the true culmination of my distrust of the church in general... and it's been a long and bumpy road back. I feel that I am consistently disappointing my parents by not going to church, but I cannot make myself do something ever again that I don't feel 100% into. I will not be a fake person. I try to be authentic, alway. Going to a church makes me feel stress, like I should be worrying more about what I"m wearing than what I'm really there for. Because I don't like to be involved in things that I don't feel 100% about, I've also become an excellent escape artist and avoider which is also cause for concern. Some might call this restlessness, but I just can't make myself stay somewhere too long.

3) Regarding family: I've come to the sad conclusion that my family now is Shawn. It's sad because I've been close to my family my whole life, and I still am... It's just looks different now. I still enjoy spending time with them, but Shawn is the one who knows me inside and out now... not them. It's hard because I want it to feel the same when I go over to their house or spend the night when Shawn's not home, but it just doesn't. I've shed many a tear over this, but I think this realization is good because it allows me to become who I really am and feel OK about leaving this town.

4) I thrive in environments where I can learn, and since I am an introvert, it's exhausting (albeit exhilerating) for me to teach because it requires me to be out of my element all day long. I also thrive on time to myself. Therefore, I am anxious about the coming school year and all its business, but again I also think that it pushes me to be a more outgoing and inviting person. I really have to work on that, small talk is not my forte, but if I am to be a mentor to junior high kids, I've got to let go of my self esteem issues. I worry that I am too young to teach these kids and that they will not take me seriously. Will I baby them since I taught 4th grade last year? Will I expect too much? Will the preparation for class overwhelm me? I keep procrastinating lesson planning, but I know I will feel so much better once I have a chance to work in my room and work on the curriculum.

5) I have a deep need for a soul sister. I miss my friends and the closeness I had with them. I can talk to my sisters, my mom or my grandma and even Shawn, but it's not the same as a girlfriend. I sooo wish for a couple that Shawn and I can hang out with, but it seems that as soon as we meet one, they move somewhere else. No one ever stays here very long and I hope we start making plans to get out on our own soon. It's scary, but I think now we know what we want and will be forthright in making plans and getting things done. I think the first thing on that list will be a church if we can ever find one that fits right. I know that within a church we can find friends... the issue is that we rarely find people that are open minded enough. It's hard to have a conversation about your hopes and dreams with people that aren't on the same wavelength as you.

Ahhh all in due time. Patience is a virtue. At least I learned some things this week amidst my tears and loneliness for Shawn. He is my soulmate and I don't mean that in a frivolous teenage way. He connects with me on a level that leaves such a void when he is not here. I am glad he's back. :)

Berry Summer Adventure Conclusion

Well our adventure has finally come to a close. We did hike into the Grand Canyon, but instead of the 9.5 miles we thought we were going to hike, we only made it 4.5 before stopping. It was actually a relief to hike down into the canyon because there were so many people on the rim. And so many foreign people! As we talked to people as we were hiking with 20-50 pound backpacks on our backs, they said that the temperature all the way at the bottom was 118 that day. There was no way we were going to get any sleep in that weather, so we opted to stay at Indian Gardens, the half way point between the top and the Colorado River Gorge. It was much more of a strenuous hike than we thought and we were exhausted. Turns out, Shawn drank too much water before the hike, and felt really bad on the way down. We barely slept that night because even though we had our pads and sleeping bags and lugged them all the way down there, we didn't have pillows, and we were on an incline. So you can imagine the headaches we had in the morning. Especially when the huge ravens were cawing outside our tent. When we woke up (I had woken up earlier and saw the sun rise on the canyon wall) we thought it was later, but it was actually 5:45 a.m. in the morning. (The sun rises in Arizona at 5 a.m.)Enough time for us to hurry and pack up and get up the trail! We thought we might stay that day and hike down to the river and then hike out that night, but we were both tired and ready to get up the trail to our car, and on the road to a hotel, shower and real bed! The trail down was bad on our knees, but the trail up was brutal... especially the last 1.5 miles. The elevation change was about 1000 ft per mile, and it was getting hot. Also, in order to keep the trail from eroding,they had placed wooden beams across the trail. This made it like climbing stairs and switchbacks all the way to the top. All in all, we finally made it in about the same time as we made it down. Three and a half hours. We jumped in the car and drove about 7 hours to Albuquerque where we collapsed into bed. My legs were so stiff from the hike earlier in the day that I could hardly walk. The next day, we woke up, still exhausted and drove twelve hours to Ft. Worth where we will stay until we have a conference from school next week. Whew! It was a long trip, but very worth it, and I can't wait to do it again!

Berry Summer Adventure Part 5

We drove through the mountains on the way to the Grand Canyon. Again, I was amazed at how quickly the landscape changed from mountain to desert. We thought we would be able to see the canyon from miles away, but we couldn't. How crazy it ould have been for those first people who discovered it to find it out in the middle of all those trees. When we arrived, there we so many people, and the directions around the park were really confusing. It is always such a shock when we've been camping, just me and Shawn to suddenly be surrounded by people... and grocery stores! Forget it. That's too much sensory overload for someone who's only seen and smelled trees and mountains for two weeks. When we got into the park, we got out at Mather Point. It was great to see Shawn's face when he saw the canyon for the first time. There is so much to see, so much detail, that you can't possibly take it all in at one look. So we hiked around the rim trail for an hour or so. By then, we'd looked at a couple of maps, got our bearings, and were very tired of all the people blocking the trail, that we got back into the car and tried to find our campground. We did, and set up camp. Then we set about the business of finding out information about our hike into the canyon. I think we were both secretly nervous about it because it was so unknown. When we got into the park there were signs everywhere about people who had died hiking the Bright Angel trail. The same one we were to hike. So we asked a couple of rangers, looked at park maps, bought some maps, and eventually settled down to watch the sun set at one of the look out points. There weren't as many people then, and we heard and saw all kinds of peculiar things. People were opera singing, couples were toasting to their anniversary, and when the sun finally set, people clapped. Maybe they were just celebrating the end of a glorious day like we were. It got pretty cold on the rim last night, and when we woke up we set about the business of gathering everything we needed for the hike down into the canyon and cramming it into two backpacks. It seemed like they would fit a lot of stuff in them, but we had a hard time. It probably took the better part of two hours to sort it all out, pack, and repack the car. Now we wait until four or five o clock until the sun is down enough to hike the 9.5 miles to our campsite tonight. WE had intended to stay two nights down at bright angel campsite (all the way at the bottom) and another night at Indian Gardens (a campsite half way back up the canyon). However, we are tired and ready to get back to Burleson and relax before our conference for school, so we'll hike down all the way tonight, get there around ten or eleven. Sleep, spend the day in the canyon, and hike out the next night around 1 a.m. I'm especially worried about the hike back up. We have so much stuff to carry. It's 82 on the rim today, and it's supposed to be 102 in the canyon. As you descend, the temperature increases 20 degrees. Which is good because we don't have to carry our fleeces and blankets to sleep with, but still. That's hot! It's so crazy. You think you go camping to relax and be in nature, but it's really exhausting. Always moving from camp to camp, thinking about what you have, and what you need... always planning your next move. One of the things that has been on our minds a lot is keeping my extra vial of insulin cold. We've had to get so much ice and always worry that it's too hot for it. Thankfully, the clinic in the canyon has agreed to keep it for me in their refrigerator while we're in the canyon. But I can't really complain. My numbers have been pretty good throughout the trip, and having a pump instead of syringes has really helped. So... onward we go to the last leg of our journey.. and we'll see how it turns out!

Berry Summer Adventure part 4

Beautiful Flagstaff!!! We've made it through dust storms, dust twisters, crazy DEET rashes, cold, hot, dehydration and coyotes howling right outside our tent so far. The drive from Albuquerque was quite boring and hot. After six hours, the elevation suddenly went up to 7,000 ft. and the desert climate quickly changed from sand and shrubs to grass and pine trees! It was cloudy, but pretty chilly. We found our campsite, pretty nice for just checking it out online! After camping a week in Red River without showers, they were a must for our next stop, so I quickly had to find a new place before we got to Flagstaff. After we set up camp, we walked around downtown and fell in love with the city. So much to see and do! Everyone was outside, there were cool temperatures, and we were surrounded by the beautiful San Francisco peaks. We ate at a sushi place the first night. The next day, we woke up early and headed to a farmer's market in Flagstaff. There was so much to choose from and a lot more than what is typically offered in Nac. Then we drove out to a state park to get a look at some Native American ruins. We had planned to go to a Navajo indian reservation, but it was three hours away, so we opted not to. We were tired of driving. We were surrounded by Indian reservations on all sides in Flagstaff. The state park that we went to had ruins of five or six sites, and what was really weird is that a lot of the landscape was created by volcanoes. On the way to one of the sites, we hiked up the site of one of them. It was pretty difficult to slip and slide on volcanic cinder and gain about 500 ft. in a half mile, but the view at the top was worth it. When we got back to Flagstaff, we went to eat at a brewery in town. So delicious! I am going to be so spoiled by good food when we get back to Nac... and here we were thinking we were going to eat Ramen noodles and peanut butter for 14 days... NOT!!! "It's vacation!" Shawn kept saying. So, of course, I went a long with it. I can't resist new food in new places. This brewery had hard cider, my new fave, and we got pizza to go with it. Mmmmm. I like camping.

Berry Summer Adventure- Part three

After a hot two days camping in west Texas, we finally arrived, after a long, boring drive, to Red River, New Mexico! Ahhhh! We breathed in the cooler mountain air. Unfortunately for us, there was a heat wave while we were there which caused a lot of the snow in higher elevations to melt and flood the river. So, it was hotter than normal, and the fishing wasn't very good, but it was still cool enough to wear a sweatshirt at night. Now that's my kind of summer weather! The town is so picturesque. It is a small town, but there are lots of things to do in town and places to explore outside of the town. Shawn and I finally decided on a campground a little outside of town called Junebug. The campsites were right on the river! The only downside was that there were only vault (decomposting) toilets and no showers. We were on day three of no shower and would go two more days until we had one. The campsite was nice and spacious, though, and we soon got to know some of our neighbors. We set up a tarp as a rain sheild, and I'm glad we did because as soon as it got dark on Monday when we arrived, it started to rain!Soon, though it passed and we were able to have a night of sleep without getting drenched. The noise of the river was so calming. There is something about going to sleep when it gets dark and waking up with the sun. There were so many times during our five day stay at Red River that I just didn't want to talk at all... it seems like when you're in the mountains, everythng around you just says "shhhh," and it makes you want to lay in the sun like a cat and take a long nap. I think there were a few times when Shawn thought there was something wrong with me, but it was hard to explain that I didn't want to talk with all that nature around... I just wanted to listen.
Tuesday, we just took it easy, (we were still recovering from our crazy middle of the day canyon hike) shopped around in some of the tourist shops, ate some good pizza (with New Mexican food and sopapillas the night before), and tried out our fishing poles in the river. Turns out I was a little out of practice, and had to brush up on my casting skills. It's been awhile since the days Dad and I fished with catawba worms in Caro lake with a floating bobber. We drove to see some of the town, and then went back to camp, relaxed in our chairs and read. I have to say that Shawn is an excellent camping partner. He knows every way to make camping the best possible, and we do NOT go hungry with his right -on fire making skills. In all seriousness, it was great to spend the week with him in a place that he has been so many times before. It was like a dream fulfilled for us to be able to visit that place together.
On Wednesday we woke up early and drove to Little Costilla, a wilderness refuge and the bottom part of where Shawn and his guy friends usually camp. May 1-June 30, the fields are blocked off so the elk can have their babies, but we stopped off on the site of the road to fish by the river. It was so clear and pristine out there, and pleasantly cool. There was so much to see! Eventually I picked up the fishing rod again and tried to catch some of those wiley trout. But, was unsuccessful. Yes, I had a few bites, but it's complicated to catch those things! Especially when you can't use a hook with barbs or any special bait. After a couple of hours of unsuccessful fishing, Shawn drove me out to the campsite where he usually camps. On the way we saw beautiful views of snowcapped mountains, mountain irises... but no elk or bears. The aspens up in that elevation are so pretty. We ate lunch at an alpine lake called Shuree. We ended the day in Taos, and ate dinner a little outdoor cafe. By then we were deperate for showers, so we paid $6.50 a piece to take a shower at a fitness club in Taos.
On Thursday we hiked to the Pioneer trail where we saw old abandoned silver mines and an old mining cabin. It's unbelieveable how much the elevation can affect you. I thought I was in shape, but I sure was breathing hard once we reached the cabin. We had lunch at a little place called Tia Buena that served awesome quesadillas with green chilies. We tried to fish again, but the water was still too high.
On Friday we packed up camp and set off to ride a jeep up into the mountains. We were the first ones of the season, so the trail was still a little bumpy and there were some places we couldn't go, but it was still fun to see everything from higher up.
After the jeep tour, we met some friends in Taos for lunch, then drove the Albuquerque. Tonight we get to sleep in a hotel! This was something we hadn't planned, but it is definiately ok. This marks the third shower I've had in about eight days. I'm definately welcoming a good night's sleep in an actual bed with air conditioning! Tomorrow we head to Flagstaff!

Berry Summer Adventure-Part 2

We drive from Fritch Fortress and arrived at Palo Duro Canyon on June 6th. We were planning to stay more than one night, but that didn't work out as planned. We're glad it didn't work out! We ate lunch in the canyon after checking out some of the views from the overlooks. Then, at 12:00 p.m. in the afternoon at 95 degrees (it felt hotter!), we set out for a 6 mile hike to a formation in the park called the Lighthouse. Stupid? Yes. I don't advise it. We both got extremely dehydrated... but we got some good pictures! That night we had made reservations for "Texas" a musical drama performed in the park. It is the largest outdoor theatre, and the backdrop of the canyon is a wonderful stage. We had to wait until 8:30 for the show to start because that was when the sun started to set. So... it was a long wait and we started to get tired, and both of us were still coping with dehydration and drinking water like camels! When the show finally started, it was good, but long. It was a very elaborate performance with a great set and special effects and animals. After such a long and crazy day, we drug ourselves back to our tent we had set up earlier in a primitive site (meaning no water or shade or bathrooms- eek!) and crawled into our sleeping bags. However, the temperature did not dip below 85 that night, and there was no breeze. So, to add to our dehydration we sweated all night long. Gross. Not exactly how I want to sleep. In the morning, we woke up, ready to leave and took our last view of the canyon. Beautiful park, beautiful desert scenery, but I would recommend going in April or October when it's cooler.

Berry Summer Adventure- Part 1

Saturday morning, June 5th, we left from Burleson, TX around 9:00 a.m. Once we were on the road, I called Palo Duro Canyon... our first stop, to make sure that we could still get a campsite. To my surprise the campsites were full! We had made no reservations because we weren't really sure how long we were going to camp or if we even could go on our trip until a couple of weeks before we left. There was a major cycling race that weekend, and there were no campsites left. I frantically called Abby who looked up campsites near Amarillo, which is the closest city to the canyon. After calling around, Shawn and I finally settled on camping near Lake Meredith, about an hour's drive from Palo Duro. We were a little skeptical...things weren't going as planned, but as we drove up to the campsite, Fritch Fortress, outside the little panhandle town of Fritch, (anybody heard of it? Me, either), we were pleasantly surprised. Turns out, the lake had filled a deep quarry of quartz and other rocks. It was a beautiful, long canyon of reds and browns. We chose a site on top of a hill with beautiful views of the lake and set up camp. The best part was that it was free! If anyone is in the area of Fritch, TX... just passing through, I wouldn't recommend driving up there just to camp there, you should try it. The lake is pretty clear and there were tons of boats and jet skiis. Shawn and I went for a quick swim, and came back to our camp to rest before cooking dinner. The wind was blowing and the sun was going down and reflecting off the red of the canyon. We could see for miles. That night's sleep was the best I ever had while camping. It was so peaceful and the weather was just right. We slept with the rain gear off... so we were quite exposed in the tent, but after awhile, I just put my earplugs in (I have to camp with those so I don't freak out at every single noise) and fell asleep. What a great and unexpected first day!

Reasons

So, Shawn and I have found a few groups of friends to hang out with. Last Friday, we went to our first meeting of a book club at a friend's house. Sounds a little dorky, I know, but it's a motley crew that meets there and that keeps things interesting. My only problem is that I can't sit still for as long as they want to talk.



Anyways, We read a little C.S. Lewis last Friday. We talked about giving up things that "cloud" your vision of God and the war between your spiritual self and your natural self. It was during a conversation about giving up things that someone said something that really hit home. I'm not sure if you know, but this year I have been really struggling with keeping my diabetes in check. It's hard to juggle school, work, a home, a husband, other activities and remember to eat right, exercise and keep my sugars down. Last weekend, I had a severe low that really scared me, and then when I went to the doctor last Monday, I didn't get a good report. That being said, I've been kind of down. I don't like things that are out of control, especially when I feel that I can control them, that I have before.


So... one of the girls in our group said... we remember to thank God all the time for things he has given us, but how often do we thank him for things that he has taken away? Not an earth shattering thought, but a good one. I started thinking about all the struggling I had been doing with my health this year. I felt depressed because I remembered when I was first diagnosed, 18, my life ahead of me, diagnosed with a chronic and progressive disease. It was devastating, and sometimes still is. All I can ask sometimes is Why, God, why me? I think so often we think that if we are plagued by something we think that we have done something wrong, or that God is punishing us. But I don't think that is always the case. Everything we have, he has given us, good or bad. I think it would take some wisdom, years and maturity for me to be able to thank God for my diabetes, but I should. I may not know his reason or purpose behind it... I may not even want to hear that there is a reason or purpose behind it, because for me, that's not what helps. What helps is to hear that God loves me and because of his love for me, he gave me diabetes. It's not a negative, but a positive.



That's a hard pill to swallow, but I am working on it. Wouldn't it have been so much easier in the hospital if people hadn't said... "It's God's plan" or "Everything works out for a reason" but to hear "God loves you and that's why?"

Time

A couple of night ago Shawn and I were looking at old pictures I had pulled out of the closet in response to a challenge from a fellow teacher that Shawn never had long hair. I was trying to find picture to prove it. There were plenty. As I was looking through the pictures, however, I noticed something. I didn't look the same as I used to... and it made me sad. I looked tired, older, less vibrant in contrast to the pictures from three or four years ago. Was it my brown hair? Was it a few extra pounds? It was disheartening, and though I know that I am still young, I was reminded that time always marches on.
A few weeks ago I attended one of my best friends weddings. It was fun for us five girls who have been friends from high school to get together for a few weekends of fun. This friend was one of the last to get married. I love attending friends' weddings, but it also makes me sad because I know as the years go by, less of us will be in the same place. A few days after the wedding, another one of my friends moved six hours away, to New Orleans. I moved back to Nac two Decembers ago partly because I wanted to be close to my friends who were planning a different wedding then. They all lived in Nacogdoches, then, and I was the only one living far away. I couldn't handle being away from them, and I didn't want to miss the fun. Now, there are only two of us living in Nacogdoches, and the others live in different towns and are starting their own families. So much is changing and I am always thinking about which direction my life will take.

On the other hand, in thinking about my relationship with Shawn. Things are wonderful. I feel like we have come to a place where we are used to living together and can talk and respect each other. He is my best friend. I was thinking the other day about how embarrassed I used to be that I was so shy. I would always ask God for confidence; I wanted to be like those girls who could say whatever was on their mind. I hated that part of me for years. Then, I met Shawn who actually admits that my occasional red face actually endears me to him. In time, I did earn confidence, but I am glad that I still blush a little bit. I guess that self-described "flaw" helped me attract the perfect guy :)