Yesterday was the first day I cried at school. It was a Monday morning, I had my whole class acting out, and then my university mentor (who critiques me) decides to visit. I was stressed, and she decided to stay during my lunch (25-30 minutes) which meant I had no down time and no time to eat. After she left, I broke down in my closet. The other teachers found me and I started crying so hard I couldn't stop... which isn't like me. I can usually keep it together pretty well, especially when I know how important it is not to cry in front of the kids. But sometimes the things they say just hurt so dang much. I took a few minutes to pull myself together while another teacher took my class. After that, I was ok. It was weird, though. Like I couldn't stop. I was crying, shaking...scary almost, like a panic attack, but not that extreme. This has been a hard week. It is so non stop. I am tired all the time, and it seems like the kids don't get anything I teach and I have to reteach it the next day. How am I supposed to get anywhere? How in the world do I teach someone how to write... with no clear direction? When I have a crazy kid trying to stab people with pencils stirring up my whole class? I never thought it would be this hard.

I think the hardest thing is... that people don't look for the good things. I have teachers from other grades mad at me because my 4th graders can't stay quiet in the halls. I just want to scream at them and tell them to help me! Not to ignore or be mad at me. It's stupid the way some teachers think they know everything and the right way to do things. If you do, fine. Just feel free to funnel your wisdom my direction.

People only see the bad. They don't see how much progess is made on little things, on poetry, on remembering what to do, on helping another student.

Tiring, exhausting, stressful teaching. I feel like I give everything and it still isn't enough.