Yesterday was the first day I cried at school. It was a Monday morning, I had my whole class acting out, and then my university mentor (who critiques me) decides to visit. I was stressed, and she decided to stay during my lunch (25-30 minutes) which meant I had no down time and no time to eat. After she left, I broke down in my closet. The other teachers found me and I started crying so hard I couldn't stop... which isn't like me. I can usually keep it together pretty well, especially when I know how important it is not to cry in front of the kids. But sometimes the things they say just hurt so dang much. I took a few minutes to pull myself together while another teacher took my class. After that, I was ok. It was weird, though. Like I couldn't stop. I was crying, shaking...scary almost, like a panic attack, but not that extreme. This has been a hard week. It is so non stop. I am tired all the time, and it seems like the kids don't get anything I teach and I have to reteach it the next day. How am I supposed to get anywhere? How in the world do I teach someone how to write... with no clear direction? When I have a crazy kid trying to stab people with pencils stirring up my whole class? I never thought it would be this hard.

I think the hardest thing is... that people don't look for the good things. I have teachers from other grades mad at me because my 4th graders can't stay quiet in the halls. I just want to scream at them and tell them to help me! Not to ignore or be mad at me. It's stupid the way some teachers think they know everything and the right way to do things. If you do, fine. Just feel free to funnel your wisdom my direction.

People only see the bad. They don't see how much progess is made on little things, on poetry, on remembering what to do, on helping another student.

Tiring, exhausting, stressful teaching. I feel like I give everything and it still isn't enough.

school daze

ahh teaching. It has been a whirlwind of craziness and drama. Some days I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know what to do, but other days, teaching feels natural. It's weird. It keeps me busy. Some weeks I'm frustrated because it seems like that's all I do. Wake up, teach, eat, sleep. The greatest thing about it though, is that even though I wake up some mornings not wanting to get up... I know that those kids are counting on me and expecting me to be there, ready and prepared. I think that's what keeps me going. That and the fact that teaching challenges me like no other job I've ever had. I am never, ever bored. I have to problem solve at the drop of a hat fifty times a day, handle crises as they come, stay accountable to my administrators, and try to impart wisdom about life and writing to 45 ten year olds.

So far, I've had one kid try to stab another kid with a pencil, kids trying to steal candy from me, lying to me, other kids trapping live animals in their backpacks and bringing them to school, kids trying to pull teeth in my classroom, a bloody nose when the lights went out, and a huge throw-up mess in my class last Thursday.

The stories dealing with bodily fluids are the funniest because those make me the most grossed out.

I'm so glad I made the decision to go into this profession. Though challenging and tiring, it is very rewarding.