Feeling Down

One of my new year's resolutions while on vacation in Boulder, CO (earning a WFR certificate!)was to journal more. I am finishing up grad school in May (yay!), writing a thesis, working full time, and training for running events and a triathlon. Too much? Maybe, but that's the way I've always been. The last month before school got out before Christmas, and this first month back to work after Christmas has been really hard. Maybe because there is so much going on, maybe because there is increased responsibility at work, maybe because Shawn and I have been looking at places to move this summer. But I have been feeling really down, more days out of the week than not. I think I am stressed, and I don't feel like I have any body to talk to about the stress that I'm feeling. At work, I don't feel like I can pour my heart out to my supervisor, I have to censor things with my mom, Lerin is supportive, but doesn't really understand, and Shawn has asked me not to "dump" my feelings on him every day. In short, I feel trapped. I think I am trying so hard to hold it all together, that sometimes it just falls apart. I get overwhelmed easily, and I cry often. People at work seem me cry a lot, and I don't really like that. Today I had to take off a half day of work just to cope with some feelings. Yesterday I intervened on a suicide threat at the Middle school where I work. It was extremely emotional, and it took three hours to resolve. I dreamed about the situation all last night and didn't sleep very well. It is so hard to detatch from things like that when it feels like the pain is tengible. It makes me fear this as my profession, but I know it can only get easier with time. I think I am done fearing things. Doesn't get me anywhere... only holds me back. Hopefully, pouring out my feelings here will help give me some clarity and peace of mind.