So, Shawn and I have found a few groups of friends to hang out with. Last Friday, we went to our first meeting of a book club at a friend's house. Sounds a little dorky, I know, but it's a motley crew that meets there and that keeps things interesting. My only problem is that I can't sit still for as long as they want to talk.
Anyways, We read a little C.S. Lewis last Friday. We talked about giving up things that "cloud" your vision of God and the war between your spiritual self and your natural self. It was during a conversation about giving up things that someone said something that really hit home. I'm not sure if you know, but this year I have been really struggling with keeping my diabetes in check. It's hard to juggle school, work, a home, a husband, other activities and remember to eat right, exercise and keep my sugars down. Last weekend, I had a severe low that really scared me, and then when I went to the doctor last Monday, I didn't get a good report. That being said, I've been kind of down. I don't like things that are out of control, especially when I feel that I can control them, that I have before.
So... one of the girls in our group said... we remember to thank God all the time for things he has given us, but how often do we thank him for things that he has taken away? Not an earth shattering thought, but a good one. I started thinking about all the struggling I had been doing with my health this year. I felt depressed because I remembered when I was first diagnosed, 18, my life ahead of me, diagnosed with a chronic and progressive disease. It was devastating, and sometimes still is. All I can ask sometimes is Why, God, why me? I think so often we think that if we are plagued by something we think that we have done something wrong, or that God is punishing us. But I don't think that is always the case. Everything we have, he has given us, good or bad. I think it would take some wisdom, years and maturity for me to be able to thank God for my diabetes, but I should. I may not know his reason or purpose behind it... I may not even want to hear that there is a reason or purpose behind it, because for me, that's not what helps. What helps is to hear that God loves me and because of his love for me, he gave me diabetes. It's not a negative, but a positive.
That's a hard pill to swallow, but I am working on it. Wouldn't it have been so much easier in the hospital if people hadn't said... "It's God's plan" or "Everything works out for a reason" but to hear "God loves you and that's why?"
