I've been in bed sick from a sinus infection the last few days. Infections cause my blood sugar to go up, making me feel horrible. And it's dangerous because it can fluctuate so much at a moment's notice. So... I've stayed home from school yesterday and today, going crazy because I have a hard time sitting still for an hour, let alone eight. Sitting here alone gave me some time to think and stew. I always feel down when I get sick like this because it makes me stare diabetes in the face and realize how chronic this disease really is. I get upset because I realize that I can never be as independent as I really want to be, or would like to think I am. I get embarrassed because I don't want people at work to feel sorry for me, or set the bar lower for my achievements because I have this disease. Then I get angry at myself for feeling sorry for myself.
Then I got the news that none of my UIL team placed at their competition. I think I was definiately more upset than they would be. I guess I just equated that loss with failure, and I do not like to fail. I've just felt like I am not doing very well at my job for the last couple of weeks, and sometimes I am at a loss at what to do. I mean I know it requires outside work before and after school, but I have to draw the line somewhere... then something suffers. Then the bad thoughts just start spiraling down and I think that I will never be good enough to be recommended for principalship like some people are, geez I can't even handle an extra curricular activity! I realize that I am competitive and extremely hard on myself, but I can' help it. I just want to be the best at something, and I feel like I'm mediocre at everything.
