Hazy,spicy air
nostalgic notations
Wrestling matches,
mingled with smoke
Waxy perfect goodness
Cold grass under naked toes
Backlit sunset of Autumn...
Fall
Friday, October 24, 2008
Not Here
This is what I've figured out today...
1. Four years spent in college and it didn't make me more decisive on what I want to do for a career.I just got really good at studying.
For me, I have to be passionate about what I do. Not just do it for the paycheck. At the end of the day I have to feel like I gave back somehow.
2. I don't like big cities. To visit, yes, but not to live in. I despise smog, suits, crime, getting lost, and traffic just makes me nervous and angry.
And.. I like trees, and going swimming in ponds. And country food. And porch swings.
3. This doesn't feel like home. While I was daydreaming at work today, I envisioned home and I envisoned a house with lots of land. I dreamed of watching the sunset through the trees, going to festivals with friends, decorating for holidays with family. When I thought of home, I thought of Nacogdoches, not here.
4. I'm not as tough or "worldy" as I wanted to be- I thought I could be away from home and not miss it. I thought I could travel the world out of college. I thought I could be a corporate executive and climb the corporate ladder -not spend my time wishing I was somewhere else. I thought I could sell stuff without feeling like I'm giving up a piece of my soul. I thought being married would take the place of needing girlfriends. I thought busyness could take the place of quiet and solitute.
I still have a lot to think about, but i think I'm headed in the right direction.
1. Four years spent in college and it didn't make me more decisive on what I want to do for a career.I just got really good at studying.
For me, I have to be passionate about what I do. Not just do it for the paycheck. At the end of the day I have to feel like I gave back somehow.
2. I don't like big cities. To visit, yes, but not to live in. I despise smog, suits, crime, getting lost, and traffic just makes me nervous and angry.
And.. I like trees, and going swimming in ponds. And country food. And porch swings.
3. This doesn't feel like home. While I was daydreaming at work today, I envisioned home and I envisoned a house with lots of land. I dreamed of watching the sunset through the trees, going to festivals with friends, decorating for holidays with family. When I thought of home, I thought of Nacogdoches, not here.
4. I'm not as tough or "worldy" as I wanted to be- I thought I could be away from home and not miss it. I thought I could travel the world out of college. I thought I could be a corporate executive and climb the corporate ladder -not spend my time wishing I was somewhere else. I thought I could sell stuff without feeling like I'm giving up a piece of my soul. I thought being married would take the place of needing girlfriends. I thought busyness could take the place of quiet and solitute.
I still have a lot to think about, but i think I'm headed in the right direction.
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