Hidden Talents of the Pious Few

It has come to my attention, recently, that I have some aquaintances that have certain "abilities" or "gifts," if you will. Rumor has it that they "heal" certain friends of theirs of any addicting maladies... or just because they want to inflict discomfort on proud or lie-telling members of the male sex. Boyfriends and husbands beware! The process goes a little like this: A female friend comes crying into work one day, wounded and heart-broken by yet another boy. This woman decides to get revenge. So she prays that these certain males or annoying friends will receive the blessing of discomfort-causing illnesses or minor complications. She has been know to cause heart-breaking boys genital "itching" of thier most prized possessions, diarrea to a gluttonous, over-indulging alcoholics and curses of various other sorts. Now, we all believe in the power of prayer... I've just never seen God work so quickly in such a malicious manner. Truly, this woman's prayers (or curses) seem to occur the day following her heavenly request. It seems that God himself has a funny bone, indeed. Maybe she is one of His revenge-serving angels, sent to earth to remind each mindless male or grungy glutton of his certain demise (or embarrassment) if he steps over the line. I just know I don't want to cross her. And I know that if I ever come down with something, genital itching, hives, or a random black eye, I'll know who to blame.

Church Quirks

It's been a trying week. What with getting dropped from one of my jobs (mind you, I wasn't fired) and some of my life dreams being crushed to pieces, I just feel like I want to bundle up in a big quilt and gorge myself on red wine and chocolate. Or throw something. Or shred paper in to tiny little pieces in my rage. Why doesn't life go according to my plan? In an effort to preserve my sanity and surround myself with an uplifting group of others who may believe the same way I do, I went to church. Church formerly was a comfort blanket to me. No more, but I still desire to find a community of real believers who live real lives and live in the real world. Churches have funny quirks. For example... the second verse of hymns is lost to church-goers... especially Southern Baptists. I'm not sure if at one time it was deemed "evil" or "sinful" or overlooked for some other reason, but no one ever sings it. And why do churches, especially small ones, feel the need to decorate their sanctuary in the scheme of one color? You know what I mean- the walls are blue, the pews are blue, even the carpet is blue. I feel like I'm swimming in a dolphin tank. And why, for the love of god, do churches insist on giving people personality quizzes entitled: "Find your Spiritual Gifts in 20 Minutes!" What??? I could comment, but I won't. Despite all these faults that I see, I still long for a church community to call my own. "Why?" I ask myself. Is it because I was brought up on church for so long, and it's so engrained in me that I can't bring myself to stay away for long? Like I've been programmed to want to go to church and my Sunday feels empty if I don't go? Is it because it is a weekly(or few times weekly) outing for most of the people that I know? Or is it for a deeper reason? Some engrained longing or draw to a relationship with Someone or Something that can make us feel like we have a purpose in this crazed world we live in? I'm not sure of the answer, but I know I want it. I want to feel apart of a group of people who will enfold me in their arms, hold me close, an whisper lovingly that I've done alright in this life. Even if they do smell funny or bring big pots of surprises for lunch every Sunday.I think that may be why they call it Pot "Luck"...

Bogus

I think the system of learning is bogus. At least how we have it set up right now. The other day, I bought two books for a whopping total of $212. Now, that just doesn't sit well with me. Why do we need to shell out unnecessary amounts for those books? Oh, to get an "A" in the class. Because without the books, "they" the teachers, or the college or the bookstore(maybe they all have a collective deal on how they can steal money from college students)make it impossible to get an "A." And why do we need an "A?" To get a good GPA (mostly to make you look good in the eyes of other people, not to warrant your own success). And why else should we have a good GPA? OH, to get into another university or graduate school that only requires you to pay more money for more books to get a good grade and all for what????? Who is going to remember your GPA after you walk across the stage for graduation? This is just whack.I think the real killer here is that American society has forced this mindset on us that we should prepared for everything. You may decide after years of school and college that you don't want to get a graduate degree. But you do it anyways, just in case. More money, more time. It's just an endless cycle.

Hyper-Christians

Coffee is not a good idea for me. Over the years I've become more sensitive to caffeiene, I think. Just today, I had sixteen ounces of an oh-so-blissful-tasting frozen espresso drink that just about did me in. I feel like I've been on speed all day. This is a good feeling if you have to complete massive amounts of paper work or dig a really deep hole, but not good if all you are doing is sitting in class...shaking and foaming at the mouth from caffeination. It really doesn't look good. It makes you look crazy, and then your professors don't trust you. I say all this because it reminds me of some Christians I know. I'll call them hyper-Christians, and in their Christian walk of evangelical caffeination, they act exactly as I have today (on espresso overload). It's like they have been injected with the genes of a rottweiler and chihuahua combined. They pounce on people and shove tracts down people's throats, while biting the heels of people who disagree with their ideas. I prefer to ascribe to a more, shall we say, peaceful form of spreading Jesus. If you do it right, it should spread like a good disease...you want to be infected with it. There's a lot to be said for the people that spread Jesus this way. Usually you don't notice them, they're so humble about it. But I aspire to be like that...hanging out, spreading a little Jesus and loving life...sounds better to me than a caffeinated hyper-nation. Jesus Freaks.

maturity is bliss

There are some things that just make me really happy. For example: long walks on the beach, star-gazing, the smell of new books, good conversation... The latter, actually is what puts a smile on my face today. I, as many of us are, am a victim of immature decisions made in my past while I was, quite literally, freaked out and only out to take care of myself. Today, I saw that one of those bad decisions that hurt another person was remedied. It has been the source of many tears, thoughts of stabbing myself in the eye, guilt, and estranged friendships. I'm glad it was over, but I'm not angry that it happened. The situation has grown me in many ways. I know I'm being vague, but I've come to the conclusions that not all of one's soul must be bared on a public blog :). Just the basics will suffice. I'm thankful for the maturity that comes in time, and the grace of good friends who love me for me.

Feminism at it's best

I want to write a post for all the girls out there who continue to be subjected to antiquated beliefs and chauvanist(?) males. My girl-power instinct is flaring up again. In the last few weeks, I've heard a lot of talk about female presidents. Thanks to Hillary, everyone is stirred up. If she ever wanted to go down in the history books, or have her fifteen minutes of fame, she's done it. Since we're less than a year away from the "big vote" people talk about politics a lot, and I usually get caught in the conversation. Or decide to add my two cents in. I guess I don't really get caught... I volunteer. I can't help it if I don't know when to shut my mouth. Anyways, all this talk about Hillary has everyone asking one question: "Can a woman be president?" What, guys, is the big damn deal? Is it so presumptious to believe that a woman can lead a country? The initial argument is that women are "too emotional" to handle leading a country. Can we help it that we've been cursed with the fountain of life? This leads to emotional days, I'll grant you that, but come on... give me something more original. I know plenty of guys that seem like they're having emotional decades... do you think they're capable of leading a country? And then there's the argument that a woman would not be able to "fight" if it becomes necessary. What makes you think a man wants to "fight" or kill people any more than a woman does? If a person wants to engage in war or elist armies to kill people, if that is his sole desire, he needs to have his head checked out. I wouldn't want that person to be president either. When it comes down to it, a woman president will do what she has to do, even if in the past, the fragile feminine sex has been uncapable of aggression. So it seems, or maybe she's just been forced by society to be that way... but that's a whole other subject. I'm not saying that I support Hillary, frankly, I don't know who I will vote for. No candidate seems worthy of leading our country. All I'm saying is that I want people to consider the idea that we may have a woman presdient someday, and I'm fully in support of that. And please, if you disagree... don't use that "women are emotional" argument...it's unoriginal and petty, and if you're arguing with me, I may feel entitled to hit you over the head with a big book. Not that I'm emotional or anything...

Fat Jeans

I think my life is a series of revolving metaphors. I was thinking the other day, as most girls do, about that special little time of the month. Oh I love it, I do. I think the worst part about being a girl is the clothes. I've wished I was a boy several times, for many reasons. One, so I could wear really loose jeans and t shirts all the time and get away with it. And never shave, my legs I mean. And pee outside. But wishing never got anyone anywhere, so I'll settle for my girly ways and continue to squeeze myself into tight fitting curve conforming jeans and mini tees. All in the name of fashion... or whatever. I think Life is like a pair of fat jeans sometimes. Yes, every girl has them. They are a necessary evil to combat the certainty of gaining weight over Christmas and during that "special time of the month." I'll explain myself. You don't come into this world "fitting" it just right. You have to grow into it. Essentially you have to grow into yourself, who you want to become, who the world is making you... etc. To me, the world feels like a big pair of fat jeans.( You can laugh here, because it's funny.) Most often, they are too loose and uncomfortable, sometimes they feel like they are squeezing you to death, and sometimes, ever so rarely, they fit just right. For me, I've been swimming in a pair of uncomfortable stiff jeans for all my life. Life just never seems to fit just right, but I guess it doesn't for most people.

Dirty Yellow Sponges

They've got it all wrong: you don't become an adult when you turn eighteen or twenty-one. Nor, despite what your professors say, do you become an adult when you enter college. No, you become an adult when you get engaged. I had no idea I would have to mature so fast and instantly know all about insurance, finances and fine china.

I drove a lot this weekend, and therefore, had a lot of time to think. I looked down at my diamond ring sparkling in the sunlight as I drove and thought...
"what the hell have I gotten myself into?"
I'm sure every bride thinks that to herself once or twice during the preparation for marriage. A word of wise to my friends: Don't be engaged for longer than six months. I know, I heard it too, but it's true. You'll go mad. Everyone wants to "help" you prepare for your special day. But their help may be more than you've bargained for.

I was thinking the other day about all those sappy chick flicks and books that depict a lovely maiden being swept off her feet as prince charming saves the day.(eff you eldridges) True, it can happen, but you've got to land sometime. I think I have. Don't get me wrong. I love my fiance, I love the thought of getting married, and I even love planning the wedding...sometimes. I just never thought I would be on this road to wedded bliss. It's just a little bumpier than I thought.

I was thinking too, as I drove(these are either the deepest, or most metaphorical, or wierdest thoughts I've had in awhile... I should take road trips more often)that I want to be like a sponge. Like one of those nasty yellow kitchen sponges that seem to soak up everything. I know, wierd, but it's true. I want to soak life up as it happens. And get squeezed out at all the right times. I feel like I can get so calloused to life and its experiences. And I don't want to. I want to drink in every moment. Every single day.
On or off the record, I guess in a way you could call it my new year's resolution.. a sentimental one.